That's Your Horoscope For Today w/ lyrics Chords

_ _ _ [C] _ _ [Dm] _ [G] _ _
_ [F] _ _ [C] _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ It's [Fm] traveling your future when [Gb] your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus.
[Gm] Fill that void in your pathetic [Am] life by playing whack-a-mole [G] 17 hours [C] a day.
[N] Pray to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola [F] virus.
You are the true lord of the [Am] dance, no matter what those [G] idiots at work say.
[C] The look [Bbm] on your face will be priceless [Cm] when you find that 40 [F] _ [N]-ballad in your colon.
Pay toothbrushes with an albino dwarf [Am] and give a [G] hickey to Meryl [C] Streep.
You will never find true happiness, whatcha gonna do, cry about?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch [Am] of stuff, [G] and then [C] go back to sleep.
[D] That's your horoscope [Em] for today.
_ [F] _ _ [C] _ That's your horoscope for today.
_ _ That's [D] your horoscope [Em] for [F] today.
_ [C] _ [G] That's your horoscope [C] for today.
_ [G] _ [C] Your [Bb] birthday party will be ruined once [A] again by your explosive [C] flatulence.
Your love [Bb] life will run into trouble [Am] when your fiancé hurls a [G] javelin through your [C] chest.
The position [Bb] of Jupiter says [F] that you should spend the rest of the week face down [C] in the mud.
Try [Bbm] not to shove a roll [Fm] of duct tape up your nose [Am] while taking your [F] driver's test.
Now is not a good time to [Eb] photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face.
Oh no!
Eat a [Bb] bucket of tuna-flavored [Am] pudding and wash it down with a gallon [G] of [C] strawberry quick.
Virgo!
[Bb] All Virgos are [Cm] extremely friendly and intelligent, except for you.
Expect a big surprise [C] today when you wind [A] up with your head [G] impaled [C] upon a stick.
[Dm] That's your horoscope [Em] for today.
_ _ [F] _ [C] _ That's your horoscope [G] [C] for today.
_ [G] [C] That's [Dm] your horoscope [Em] for today.
_ [F] _ _ [C] _ That's your [G] horoscope [C] for today.
_ _ _ [F] Now you may find [G] it inconceivable or at [Em] the very least a bit unlikely [F] that the relative position of the planets and their stars [G] could have a special deep [C] significance or meaning that exclusively applies [G] to Omae U.
[F] But let me give you my [G] assurance that these forecasts and predictions [Em] are all based on solid [F] scientific documented evidence.
So you would have to be [G] some kind of moron not to [C] realize that every single one [Dm] of them is absolutely true.
[C] Or was I?
A [F] big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented [C] than you.
[Bb] Laughter is the very best [C] medicine.
Remember that when [F] you're [G] appendix burns [C] next week.
Get [Bb] ready for an unexpected [C] trip when you fall [Bb] screaming from an open [C] window.
Work a [Bb] little bit harder on [C] improving your low self [F]-esteem.
[G] You stupid freak.
All [Bb] your friends are laughing behind [E] your [N] back.
_ Take down those naked [Am] pictures of Ernest Forgnine you've got hanging in [Gm] your desk.
[Bbm] The stars say that [C] you're an [F] exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying.
If [Bb] I were you I'd lock my doors and [C] windows and never, never, never, never leave my house again.
[D] That's your horoscope [Em] for today.
That's your [F] horoscope _ [C] _ _ [G] _ [C] for today.
_ _ _ _ [D] That's your horoscope [Em] _
[F] for today.
_ [C] _ That's your [G] horoscope [C] for today.
_ _ [G] _ [C] _ [Dm] That's your horoscope [C] _
[F] for today.
_ [C] _ That's your horoscope _ _ _ _ for [Dm] _ _ [Em]
today.
[F] [B] Yeah, yeah, [C] yeah, yeah, yeah That's your [G] Horse Call [C] for