"Weird Al" Yankovic - Close But No Cigar Chords

[D] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[E] _ Jillian was [G] her name.
She was sweeter than _ _ aspartame.
[D] Her kisses reconfigured [G] my DNA
and [D] after that I never was [G] the same.
And [D] I loved her even [G] more than Marlon [D] _ Brando loved
to [G] play.
She [D] was gorgeous, [G] she was charming, yeah she [D] was perfect in [G] every way.
Except
she [D] was always using [G] the word infer [D] when she obviously [G] meant implied.
And [A] I know some guys
would put up with that kind of thing, [G] but frankly I can't imagine why.
And I told [D] her
I said, hey are we playing [G] _ horseshoes honey?
[Am] No I don't [G] think we are. _
[D] You're close, _ [G] but
_ no [D] said I.
_ [G] _ _ _ [Dm] _ _
[D] Then I met sweet young [G] Janet, _ _ _ prettiest thing on the planet. _ _
[D] Had a body hotter [G] than
a _ habanero.
[D] She had lips like a ripe [G] pomegranate.
And [D] I was crazy like mad fun [G] about her.
She
got [D] me all choked up like [G] mama Cass.
She [D] had a smile so [G] incredibly radiant you had [D] to watch
it through a [G] piece of smoke glass.
I thought [D] after all these years [G] of searching around
[D] I'd find my soulmate [G] finally.
But one day [A] I found out she actually owned a copy [G] of Joder
the lead.
_ Oh [D] no, I said hey are we loving [G] hand grenades kiddo?
[A] No I don't [G] think we are. _
[D] You're close, _ _ [G] _ _ oh so [D] very close.
_ _ [G] _ Yeah baby [D] you're close, so [G] close, but no said I.
[D] Oh _ [Ab] _ _ [Dm] _ _
_ [D] _ _ _ [Am] _ _ yeah, [G] _ _ _ _ [D] _ _ _ _
_ _ _ oh yeah. _ _
[A] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[D] _ _ _ [Eb] _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ [D] _ _ _
Julie plays _ [G] _ Guadalupolo.
She wore [D] a ribbon on her left [G] manolo.
She had me [D] sweating like
Nixon [G] every time she was there.
My heart [D] was beating like a Buddy [G] Rich solo.
[D] _ _
_ Everything [G] I dreamed [F] of
she [G] moved [D] right up to number [G] one on my list. _
[D] And did I mention she's the world [G] famous billionaire _
[D] _ _ bikini supermodel [G] astrophysicist?
Yeah she [D] was so pretty she made [G] Charlize Theron _ [D] look like a big fat
[G] slobbering pig. _
[A] The only caveat if one of her earlobes was [G] just a little tiny bit too [D] big.
I said hey are we doing [G] government work [A] here?
No I don't think [G] we are. _
[D] You're close,
_ _ [G] _ so very [D] very close.
_ _ [G] _ [Dm] Oh [G] baby [D] you're close, _ [G] so close, but no [D] cigar.
_ Miss it [G] by that much.
[D] _ Oh [G] yeah, all right.
[D] _ Really really [G] really close, but no [Dm] cigar.
_ _ _ [N] _ _ _ _