Chords for Bum to the World

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_ [Bb] I'm [A] terribly torn _ about being [Bb] born.
I [Eb] mean, what is the whole thing [Bb] about?
_ _ [Eb] Plot, out you come, [Bm] _ _ _ _ [Bb] very near [D] someone's bum.
_ _ _ _ [Eb] _ _ [D] _
It can't have been properly [F] thought out. _ _
[Bb] It depends on [A] one's sperm, knowing which [Bb] way to squirm.
In [Eb] its version of swimming the [Bb] channel, _ I'd have preferred [Bb] to hatch out like a bird,
or been [C] grown on a piece of [F] damp flannel. _ _
_ _ _ _ [Bb] But just to [A] arrive and be told you're alive, [Eb] wait ten years for a nice cup [D] of tea,
_ to be [G] suddenly hurled [C] right into the world, [F] it all seems quite balmy to me.
_ [Bb] _ [F] Ooh, [Bb] ooh, _ [Gm] ooh.
[A] _ _ [Bb] Isn't it a pity [G] life was planned by a [E] committee, [Bb] while the clever ones [F] had popped [Bb] out to the lav?
This is [C] my theory, though it [Bb] isn't very cheery.
_ [Dm] _ _ [Bb] Our existence [F] is a harshen, try explaining to a Martian what a tricky conversation [Bb] you would have,
and [C] I'm not dense, it makes [Bb] no sense. _
[C] We're only [G] here cause an egg meets a sperm and then grows blobs in.
_ [N] _ _ [C] [Dm] Tell me [C] there's more to [F] it than that, I'll just go with [Bb] the odds on. _ _ _
_ Ooh, ooh.
[A] [Bb] One thing that gets [F] me seething is all this bloody [A] breathing.
[Bb] No sooner breathing out than breathing [Gm] in, it's very tiring.
[Bb] And there's burping and perspiring.
[Ab] _
_ [F] Another source of loathing is the need for wearing clothing.
[Bb] When some of us look better in our skin, and no matter [C] how well built,
we all [Bb] look stupid in a kil-
_ If [D] we didn't have hair, we could be brushless and [G] be combless.
[C] If we were bald, [F] our dandruff would be permanently homeless.
_ _ [Eb]
Home to the [Cm] world, the whole thing [Bb] stinks.
[Eb] I never [G] asked to come.
[Bb] My reason's [G] sane, thought-out response is [F] bum, bum, [Bb] bum. _ _ _
_ _ _ [F] Another large misgiving is this urge to keep on living,
and the way we were designed to [Bb] run on food, and this doesn't justify [C] _
[F] the individual [Bb] fruit pie.
_ [Bbm] _ And there's never any question [Bb] of actual [A] digestion,
till it's been dippied out [Bb] and shuffled in and chewed, I'd be happy to invest [C] in a [Bb] little portable intestine. _
[G] I hate meals out, all I- please wait here to be [Bm] seated.
[C] Your food is being sprayed with [E] germs, spat on, [Gb] and reheated.
[F]
And the [F] pinnacle, the steeple, is the [A] hell of other [Bb] people and the stupid things they have and say and do,
like smoking [C] cigarettes, [F] or [Bb] videoing their pets.
_ [F] People with a [A] pager, [Bb] perhaps who voted for John Major.
People with a gas-fired barbecue, women [G] using pharmacetors,
or showing you [Bb] photos of their foetus.
_ [C] And [Fm] worst of all, and I'll [C] only ever say this once,
is any Brit with [F] a house in bloody Provence.
[Eb] Home to the world, I [Bb] won't give in, [Eb] I raise a cheery thumb.
_ [Bb] An [G] unmature reflection, I [C] send [F] bum, bum, [Bb] bum, boo-hoo, boo-hoo.
Then of course there's [A] dying.
Well, they couldn't have been trying.
[Bb] Why not find a way to keep us all [F] alive?
There's heaven, I [C] suppose.
But no [Bb] one really knows.
_ _ [D] No doubt heaven will be [F] raining.
[Bb] Sorry, close to staff [A] retraining.
[Bb] Please come back in 1995, please use the stairs.
[F] [Bb] Pearly lift closed for repairs.
_ When [F] we [G] get there, we'll be a mite depressed.
[C] To find a Benetton, a little [E] chef, [F] and no doubt [Gb] a bloody [F] Nat West.
[Eb] Home [D] to the world, [G] let's not be [Eb] glum.
Each bum [G] can shine [C] a light.
_ And [C] all that's left [G] for me to say is thank [C] you [F] very much, [Bb]
goodnight.
_ [D] _ _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ _ [Bb] _ _ [N] _ _ _ _