Chords for "Dawn": Victoria Wood/Dawn French sketch: Comic Relief 1995
Tempo:
130.55 bpm
Chords used:
F
G
Bb
Gm
Tuning:Standard Tuning (EADGBE)Capo:+0fret
Start Jamming...
[Gm]
[F] [Bb]
[G] and you have a wonderful day.
[F] [Bb] Bye, bye.
Bye, mom, [G] bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
Simmer down.
Simmer down, folks.
Men who are addicted to ping pong
and the women who love them.
Carrie, you've been married for 27 years
to a man addicted to ping pong.
Do you love him?
I love him, Dawn.
I used to do his handles with insulating tape.
Right, right.
And did he ever say he loved you?
No, only ping pong door.
What do we think about that?
Sir, sir.
I think Carrie should look for a nurturing and caring relationship somewhere else.
Fair enough, yeah.
Life isn't a rehearsal.
We all deserve a loving and as I say caring partner.
I think [N] she should stick with him.
Yes, because you did stick with your husband, didn't you Dot?
I did.
I'm still with him now.
Even though he's trying to poison you?
He's still trying.
He tried this morning with some custard.
I believe marriage is for life.
Oh, I did.
Quiet, quiet people, come on.
Life, even though in your case the life could mean termination at any point?
Even though in that case, oh, whatever you said, yes, I do.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this just makes a laughing stock of marriage.
If he loved her, he wouldn't try to poison her.
He's very nice apart from the poisoning.
Well, I think it's way out of order.
So now your marriage lasted three minutes, is that right?
That's correct, Dawn.
That's not very long, is it, my love?
No, no.
But for two of those three minutes we were very happy.
Until he burped.
I don't use the word, but yes.
Well, we are talking about a mouth burp.
We're not going below the waist here, are we?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, get a grip, audience.
This sort of stuff goes on.
We're human, for God's sake.
We're men.
We have bodies.
So you think men should be allowed to let rip anywhere, no whole fart?
Oh, come on.
Not anywhere.
Obviously there's a time and a place.
Yes, and there's a season for everything.
Turn, turn, turn.
Oh!
Yes.
Obviously.
I'm not going to go to the Royal Garden Party, bend over and set fire to one. Harry?
Well, I think there's certainly something to be said on both sides.
Can I just say, Dawn, love makes the world go round.
Well, suppose you're not just addicted to ping pong.
Suppose you think that your penis is telling you to order large portions of coleslaw from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
What is that like?
Bill.
Well, it's quite difficult, Dawn.
I mean, neither my wife or myself eat coleslaw.
It's just piling up.
And you live next door.
Is it tricky?
Well, we've helped out with the odd tab, but we're not great coleslaw fans either.
We're very much on tenterhooks with this penis situation.
Attack group.
Does Duncan Preston like coleslaw?
Roger Conway?
Oh, you don't need the pink.
No.
I believe that Duncan is very much a bacon and eggs man.
Right.
Yorkshire pudding.
Beef.
You've had how many operations to look exactly like your hero?
I notice you've dressed just like him today.
I've had 17.
Ooh, 17.
I've got to go back on Thursday.
The nostrils, they aren't quite right.
No, they're not.
Well, this is a typical mockery of modern life.
Men died bringing up programmes like Emergency Ward 10.
No, no, no.
You'll get your chance, puppet.
Can I just say, Dawn?
If men are going to dress as women on prime time television,
then there's something very wrong with the programme planners, in my view.
People should be castrated over this.
I am.
I am very castrated.
Phew!
That was quite an attack.
Any comeback?
I just wondered when men are going to be used in a major advertising campaign
for a food product such as a cooking sauce or a pie filling.
I mean, when?
No, they're not.
Never, ever.
I think they have.
I mean, I know in my own commercials there's a husband and there's sons.
I think you can have a man.
Yeah, but you wouldn't want Christopher Timothy crumbling up a stock cube
into your gravy boat, would you?
I wouldn't.
Can I just say, Dawn?
If love's on the table, who needs gravy?
[Gm]
OK.
Well, you're just annoying me now.
OK, time to go, peasant.
As that old fiancé of mine, Paul McCartney, used to say,
love is all you need.
We all live in a yellow submarine.
Ciao.
[F] [G]
[F]
[Bb] [G]
[F]
[Bb] [G]
[F] [Bb]
[G] and you have a wonderful day.
[F] [Bb] Bye, bye.
Bye, mom, [G] bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
Simmer down.
Simmer down, folks.
Men who are addicted to ping pong
and the women who love them.
Carrie, you've been married for 27 years
to a man addicted to ping pong.
Do you love him?
I love him, Dawn.
I used to do his handles with insulating tape.
Right, right.
And did he ever say he loved you?
No, only ping pong door.
What do we think about that?
Sir, sir.
I think Carrie should look for a nurturing and caring relationship somewhere else.
Fair enough, yeah.
Life isn't a rehearsal.
We all deserve a loving and as I say caring partner.
I think [N] she should stick with him.
Yes, because you did stick with your husband, didn't you Dot?
I did.
I'm still with him now.
Even though he's trying to poison you?
He's still trying.
He tried this morning with some custard.
I believe marriage is for life.
Oh, I did.
Quiet, quiet people, come on.
Life, even though in your case the life could mean termination at any point?
Even though in that case, oh, whatever you said, yes, I do.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this just makes a laughing stock of marriage.
If he loved her, he wouldn't try to poison her.
He's very nice apart from the poisoning.
Well, I think it's way out of order.
So now your marriage lasted three minutes, is that right?
That's correct, Dawn.
That's not very long, is it, my love?
No, no.
But for two of those three minutes we were very happy.
Until he burped.
I don't use the word, but yes.
Well, we are talking about a mouth burp.
We're not going below the waist here, are we?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, get a grip, audience.
This sort of stuff goes on.
We're human, for God's sake.
We're men.
We have bodies.
So you think men should be allowed to let rip anywhere, no whole fart?
Oh, come on.
Not anywhere.
Obviously there's a time and a place.
Yes, and there's a season for everything.
Turn, turn, turn.
Oh!
Yes.
Obviously.
I'm not going to go to the Royal Garden Party, bend over and set fire to one. Harry?
Well, I think there's certainly something to be said on both sides.
Can I just say, Dawn, love makes the world go round.
Well, suppose you're not just addicted to ping pong.
Suppose you think that your penis is telling you to order large portions of coleslaw from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
What is that like?
Bill.
Well, it's quite difficult, Dawn.
I mean, neither my wife or myself eat coleslaw.
It's just piling up.
And you live next door.
Is it tricky?
Well, we've helped out with the odd tab, but we're not great coleslaw fans either.
We're very much on tenterhooks with this penis situation.
Attack group.
Does Duncan Preston like coleslaw?
Roger Conway?
Oh, you don't need the pink.
No.
I believe that Duncan is very much a bacon and eggs man.
Right.
Yorkshire pudding.
Beef.
You've had how many operations to look exactly like your hero?
I notice you've dressed just like him today.
I've had 17.
Ooh, 17.
I've got to go back on Thursday.
The nostrils, they aren't quite right.
No, they're not.
Well, this is a typical mockery of modern life.
Men died bringing up programmes like Emergency Ward 10.
No, no, no.
You'll get your chance, puppet.
Can I just say, Dawn?
If men are going to dress as women on prime time television,
then there's something very wrong with the programme planners, in my view.
People should be castrated over this.
I am.
I am very castrated.
Phew!
That was quite an attack.
Any comeback?
I just wondered when men are going to be used in a major advertising campaign
for a food product such as a cooking sauce or a pie filling.
I mean, when?
No, they're not.
Never, ever.
I think they have.
I mean, I know in my own commercials there's a husband and there's sons.
I think you can have a man.
Yeah, but you wouldn't want Christopher Timothy crumbling up a stock cube
into your gravy boat, would you?
I wouldn't.
Can I just say, Dawn?
If love's on the table, who needs gravy?
[Gm]
OK.
Well, you're just annoying me now.
OK, time to go, peasant.
As that old fiancé of mine, Paul McCartney, used to say,
love is all you need.
We all live in a yellow submarine.
Ciao.
[F] [G]
[F]
[Bb] [G]
[F]
[Bb] [G]
Key:
F
G
Bb
Gm
F
G
Bb
Gm
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [Gm] _
_ [F] _ _ _ _ [Bb] _ _ _
_ [G] and you have a wonderful day. _ _ _ _
_ [F] _ _ _ _ [Bb] Bye, bye.
Bye, mom, [G] bye.
Bye. _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ Thank you.
Simmer down.
_ Simmer down, folks.
_ _ Men who are addicted to ping pong
and the women who love them. _
Carrie, _ you've been married for 27 years
to a man addicted to ping pong.
Do you love him?
I love him, Dawn.
I used to do his handles with insulating tape.
Right, right.
And did he ever say he loved you?
No, only ping pong door.
What do we think about that?
_ Sir, sir. _ _ _
I think Carrie should look for a nurturing and caring relationship somewhere else.
Fair enough, yeah.
Life isn't a rehearsal.
We all deserve a loving and as I say caring partner.
I think [N] she should stick with him.
Yes, because you did stick with your husband, didn't you Dot?
I did.
I'm still with him now.
Even though he's trying to poison you?
He's still trying.
He tried this morning with some custard.
I believe marriage is for life.
Oh, I did.
_ Quiet, quiet people, come on.
Life, even though in your case the life could mean termination at any point?
Even though in that case, oh, whatever you said, yes, I do.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this just makes a laughing stock of marriage.
If he loved her, he wouldn't try to poison her.
He's very nice apart from the poisoning.
Well, I think it's way out of order.
_ _ _ So now your marriage lasted three minutes, is that right?
That's correct, Dawn.
_ That's not very long, is it, my love?
No, no.
But for two of those three minutes we were very happy. _
Until he burped.
_ _ _ I don't use the word, but yes.
Well, we are talking about a mouth burp.
We're not going below the waist here, are we?
_ Hey, hey, hey, hey, get a grip, audience.
This sort of stuff goes on.
We're human, for God's sake.
We're men.
We have bodies.
So you think men should be allowed to let rip anywhere, no whole fart?
Oh, come on.
_ Not anywhere.
Obviously there's a time and a place.
Yes, and there's a season for everything.
Turn, turn, turn.
Oh!
_ _ _ Yes. _ _ _
_ _ Obviously.
I'm not going to go to the Royal Garden Party, bend over and set fire to one. Harry?
_ Well, I think there's certainly something to be said on both sides. _ _ _ _ _ _
Can I just say, Dawn, love makes the world go round.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Well, suppose you're not just addicted to ping pong.
Suppose you think that your penis is telling you to order large portions of coleslaw from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
What is that like?
Bill. _ _ _
Well, _ _ it's quite difficult, Dawn.
I mean, neither my wife or myself eat coleslaw.
It's just piling up.
And you live next door.
Is it tricky? _
Well, we've helped out with the odd tab, but we're not great coleslaw fans either.
We're very much on tenterhooks with this penis situation.
_ _ Attack group.
Does Duncan Preston like coleslaw?
Roger Conway?
Oh, you don't need the pink.
No.
I believe that Duncan is very much a bacon and eggs man.
Right.
Yorkshire pudding. _
Beef.
You've had how many operations to look exactly like your hero?
I notice you've dressed just like him today. _
I've had 17.
_ Ooh, 17.
I've got to go back on Thursday.
The nostrils, they aren't quite right.
No, they're not.
Well, this is a typical mockery of modern life.
Men died bringing up programmes like Emergency Ward 10. _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ No, no, no.
You'll get your chance, puppet.
Can I just say, Dawn?
If men are going to dress as women on prime time television,
then there's something very wrong with the programme planners, in my view. _ _ _
_ _ _ _ People should be castrated over this.
_ _ I am.
I am very castrated.
Phew!
_ That was quite an attack.
Any comeback?
I just wondered when men are going to be used in a major advertising campaign
for a food product such as a cooking sauce or a pie filling.
I mean, when?
No, they're not.
Never, ever.
I think they have.
I mean, I know in my own commercials there's a husband and there's sons.
I think you can have a man.
Yeah, but you wouldn't want Christopher Timothy crumbling up a stock cube
into your gravy boat, would you?
I wouldn't. _
Can I just say, Dawn?
If love's on the table, who needs gravy?
_ _ _ _ _ _ [Gm] _
OK.
_ _ _ Well, you're just annoying me now.
OK, time to go, peasant.
As that old fiancé of mine, Paul McCartney, used to say,
love is all you need.
We all live in a yellow submarine.
Ciao.
_ [F] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ [F] _ _ _
_ [Bb] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [F] _
_ _ _ [Bb] _ _ _ _ [G] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ [F] _ _ _ _ [Bb] _ _ _
_ [G] and you have a wonderful day. _ _ _ _
_ [F] _ _ _ _ [Bb] Bye, bye.
Bye, mom, [G] bye.
Bye. _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ Thank you.
Simmer down.
_ Simmer down, folks.
_ _ Men who are addicted to ping pong
and the women who love them. _
Carrie, _ you've been married for 27 years
to a man addicted to ping pong.
Do you love him?
I love him, Dawn.
I used to do his handles with insulating tape.
Right, right.
And did he ever say he loved you?
No, only ping pong door.
What do we think about that?
_ Sir, sir. _ _ _
I think Carrie should look for a nurturing and caring relationship somewhere else.
Fair enough, yeah.
Life isn't a rehearsal.
We all deserve a loving and as I say caring partner.
I think [N] she should stick with him.
Yes, because you did stick with your husband, didn't you Dot?
I did.
I'm still with him now.
Even though he's trying to poison you?
He's still trying.
He tried this morning with some custard.
I believe marriage is for life.
Oh, I did.
_ Quiet, quiet people, come on.
Life, even though in your case the life could mean termination at any point?
Even though in that case, oh, whatever you said, yes, I do.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this just makes a laughing stock of marriage.
If he loved her, he wouldn't try to poison her.
He's very nice apart from the poisoning.
Well, I think it's way out of order.
_ _ _ So now your marriage lasted three minutes, is that right?
That's correct, Dawn.
_ That's not very long, is it, my love?
No, no.
But for two of those three minutes we were very happy. _
Until he burped.
_ _ _ I don't use the word, but yes.
Well, we are talking about a mouth burp.
We're not going below the waist here, are we?
_ Hey, hey, hey, hey, get a grip, audience.
This sort of stuff goes on.
We're human, for God's sake.
We're men.
We have bodies.
So you think men should be allowed to let rip anywhere, no whole fart?
Oh, come on.
_ Not anywhere.
Obviously there's a time and a place.
Yes, and there's a season for everything.
Turn, turn, turn.
Oh!
_ _ _ Yes. _ _ _
_ _ Obviously.
I'm not going to go to the Royal Garden Party, bend over and set fire to one. Harry?
_ Well, I think there's certainly something to be said on both sides. _ _ _ _ _ _
Can I just say, Dawn, love makes the world go round.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Well, suppose you're not just addicted to ping pong.
Suppose you think that your penis is telling you to order large portions of coleslaw from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
What is that like?
Bill. _ _ _
Well, _ _ it's quite difficult, Dawn.
I mean, neither my wife or myself eat coleslaw.
It's just piling up.
And you live next door.
Is it tricky? _
Well, we've helped out with the odd tab, but we're not great coleslaw fans either.
We're very much on tenterhooks with this penis situation.
_ _ Attack group.
Does Duncan Preston like coleslaw?
Roger Conway?
Oh, you don't need the pink.
No.
I believe that Duncan is very much a bacon and eggs man.
Right.
Yorkshire pudding. _
Beef.
You've had how many operations to look exactly like your hero?
I notice you've dressed just like him today. _
I've had 17.
_ Ooh, 17.
I've got to go back on Thursday.
The nostrils, they aren't quite right.
No, they're not.
Well, this is a typical mockery of modern life.
Men died bringing up programmes like Emergency Ward 10. _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ No, no, no.
You'll get your chance, puppet.
Can I just say, Dawn?
If men are going to dress as women on prime time television,
then there's something very wrong with the programme planners, in my view. _ _ _
_ _ _ _ People should be castrated over this.
_ _ I am.
I am very castrated.
Phew!
_ That was quite an attack.
Any comeback?
I just wondered when men are going to be used in a major advertising campaign
for a food product such as a cooking sauce or a pie filling.
I mean, when?
No, they're not.
Never, ever.
I think they have.
I mean, I know in my own commercials there's a husband and there's sons.
I think you can have a man.
Yeah, but you wouldn't want Christopher Timothy crumbling up a stock cube
into your gravy boat, would you?
I wouldn't. _
Can I just say, Dawn?
If love's on the table, who needs gravy?
_ _ _ _ _ _ [Gm] _
OK.
_ _ _ Well, you're just annoying me now.
OK, time to go, peasant.
As that old fiancé of mine, Paul McCartney, used to say,
love is all you need.
We all live in a yellow submarine.
Ciao.
_ [F] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ [F] _ _ _
_ [Bb] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [F] _
_ _ _ [Bb] _ _ _ _ [G] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _