Chords for Rehab Center for Fictional Characters w/ Lyrics - Bo Burnham

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_ _ _ [A] _ _ _ [E] _ _
[A] _ _ _ [E] Uh, well hello [Am] everyone, um, welcome to the Rehab Center for [E] Fictional Characters.
[A] Um, alright, let's just get right [E] to it.
Who wants to start us off?
How about you, [A] Chris?
Um, alright.
[E] Hey, I'm, uh, Chris [Am] Kringle, I'm a [E] sex addict.
Hey, I'm Santa [A] Claus, I'm the king of [E] snow.
I hate my wife because she's a ho-ho-ho.
_ [A] _
_ [E] She used to [C] please me every day, then she made [E] it clear
that Santa's [C] only supposed [E] to come once a year.
_ [Am]
Fuckin' bitch.
_ [E] Now [Am] I buy whores [E] rock and roll, and I stuff [A] their stockings with my North [E] Pole.
Okay, Chris, [A] thank you.
Alright, who's up next?
[E] Patrick, frowny face, get up here.
Alright, [A] I'm, uh, Patrick O'Reilly, I'm a leprechaun.
Y'all doin' [E] good?
Yeah, I'm [A] not doin' so good.
_ [E] I had a wonderful life with a healthy household
and a [A] beautiful wife and [E] a pot full of [A] gold.
_ _ [E] _ _ _ [A] _ _ [E] _
Then my wife [C] spent my [G#] riches all by [E] herself
and since [C] women are bitches, [E] blew a Keebler Elf.
[A] _ _ _ [E] _
Now I drink [A] all day and [E] a part of me dies
cause my [A] wife's gettin' [E] gang-banged by the Rice Krispie guys.
[A] Hey, I know them.
Oh, Tony, [E] nice of you to show up.
Where were you last [A] week?
I had some stuff.
I'm, uh, [E] hey, I'm Tony the [A] Tiger.
Uh, fuck it, I'll just [E] sing.
[A] Every day I wake up, I [E] get to work late.
My boss [Am] says, hey, what's up?
I [E] say that I'm _ [A] _
[E] grrrrrrrowing tired of this shit.
[A] _ _ _ [E]
The kids, they [C] laugh cause I'm a [E] sensitive cat.
Big [C] pussy.
[E] I can't argue with that.
_ [A] _ _ _ [E]
If another [A] kid [E] gives me frosted flakes,
I swear [A] on my life, I'll eat [E] his parents.
Okay, [A] tone, thank you.
Um, [E] so that's everybody.
So let's [A] just get down to it.
[E] Um, oh, who are you?
Hi, [A] yeah, hi, yeah, hi, [E] yeah.
I'm the Easter [A] Bunny.
Hey, I'm back.
Used to be funny, [E] now I'm hooked on crack.
Heaps of heroin, ain't no joke.
Marshmallow peeps covered in Coke, Coke, Coke, Coke, Coke, [Am] Coke, Coke, Coke.
[E] Huh?
Coke!
[Am] _ _ _ [E]
Drugs for life, that's my [B] plan, but now I have no [E] attention span.
[A] Okay, I'm gonna go get him, [E] alright?
You guys just please play nice, [Am] alright?
I'll be back [E] in a second, okay?
Hey, Pat, did you hear?
All my elves got sick.
I [A] think they got herpes from some [E] Irish chick.
Motherfucker!
[A] What are you laughing at, Tony?
[E] I don't know, it's, uh, [A] it's funny.
Um, this is [E] getting ridiculous.
Santa, [A] Tony, [E] would you guys please stop?
Oh, [A] snap!
[F#] _ [E] Crackle and pop.
Cause [Am] they banged your wife.
[E] I'm getting out of here, this is [Am] fucking ridiculous.
_ [E] _ _ _ _ _ _ [N] _