Chords for SNAP - Ray Jessel - Identity Theft

_ _ [C] Something calamitous [Dm] has happened to me
Some asshole [C] stole my identity _ _
As a songwriter, I should say I really love that little internal rhyme
Asshole and stole
[N] I mean, it didn't have to be asshole
As you know, lyric writing is choices
_ _ Any two-syllable pejorative would have done just good
Some bastard stole my_
[Eb] _
Asshole is better, isn't it?
What about dickhead?
Dickhead
It _ doesn't rhyme, so I like the rhyme anyway
[D] I'll start again, excuse the [G] digression _
_ _ [C] Something calamitous has happened [G] to me
_ [Dm]
Some asshole [G] stole my [C] identity
_ _ [A] You'd think [Am] that I'd be mad
Or be [D] in deep despair
[Am] But au [Bm] contraire
[Am] I must [C] say, in [D] a way, I'm [Dm] glad
[G] _ _ _ _ I'm a victim [Bb] of [Db] identity theft
And [G] boy have I [C] got it made
Cause now he's the one who's got all my debts
And [Db] he's the [G] one who can't get laid
[Eb] I'm [Bb] a victim of identity [Dbm] theft
[C] The cops haven't got a [A] clue
He [C] used to be a [Am] professional thief
[Dm] But now he's an orthodox Jew
[E] _
[F] He stole my ego
He [C] stole my life
[A] Well, good luck [D] amigo
Now you're the schmuck [G] who's stuck with my wife
[Eb] I'm a [Bb] victim of identity theft
And by [G] me that is just [B] fine
[C] Cause now [Am] I'm only 26
[D] And he's pushing [Ebm]
[F] 79
[C] He thinks [E] he's cool, but you know what gives?
[F] Now he has to deal [Eb] with my relatives
I should feel a bit bereft
But [G] I don't [Bb] say oi [Dm] vey
[Eb] I'm a victim of identity [Dm] theft
Hooray, [C] hooray, hooray
_ [Eb] _ _ _ _ [Ab] _
[G] _ _ [A] _ [Dm] _ _ _ [Am] _ [Dm] _
_ _ _ [F] He stole my [Fm] personhood
He [C] stole my soul
But [D] now he's cursing good
Cause [Bb] now he's got poor bladder [C] control
I'm [Bb] a victim of identity [Cm] theft
And [Abm] all I can say is [A] yes
[C] Cause he's got a date with my CPA
[G] For an audit with the IRS
_ [C] Hope you like my dentist [F] pal
Hope [Gb] you enjoy that [B] root canal
[C] I should feel a [A] bit bereft
But [G] I don't say oi [Dm] vey
I'm a [Em] victim of identity theft
[Dm] Hooray, [Eb] hooray, hooray
[C] Hooray, [Dm] hooray, [A] hooray My [Dm] identity
My [Fm] former entity
My [G] identity
Take [C] it away
_ [Gb] _ _ [Cm] _ [C] _ _ [N] _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _