Chords for The Tweet Song - Tim Hawkins & Jonnie W.

Well, we want to do something together if we could.
Tim and I are both on a little website called Twitter.com.
I don't know if you guys have the internet yet in Lexington, but it is really taking off.
You can find us there and follow us, and sometimes we get to tweet things out.
You have to be very short and succinct on Twitter.
You have to be very_
140 characters is all you get.
It makes you a better writer.
And then you have all these little weird random thoughts, though,
that [Em] have no place in your act, or frankly, society.
And so, since Tim and I both do music, we kind of got together on this and said,
well, let's put them in the show.
We'll call it the tweet song.
And that's what this is.
And we hope that you enjoy it, but we're really not counting on it.
_ [G] _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ [C] _ [G] I want to host a game show where [Am] _ [G] redneck contestants answer trivia questions for cash and prizes.
And wrong answers cost them their hair. _
[C] It's called mull it [G] over.
_ [C] _ _ _ [G] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ [C] _ _ [G] _ The other day I played frisbee golf, _ or golf frisbee, or whatever you call flinging a nine iron into the woods.
_ _ _ [C] _ [Gm] _ _
_ [G] _ _ _ _ _ _ _
People who don't believe in autocorrect go straight to heel. _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ I quit using autocorrect, and it's totally changed every thong. _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ The other night a UFC fighter came to our show.
He offered to train me, but I told him I'm really more of a KFC fighter.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[C] _ _ [G] _ _ Good friends are like fine wine.
That's why I keep mine locked in the cellar. _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [G] _
_ _ _ If you're illiterate, you probably live your life by a set of unwritten rules. _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [C] _ [G] _
_ It's a new one.
I like that one.
_ I try to live every day as if it were my first.
So I take really long naps and cry a lot until somebody brings me milk.
_ _ [C] _ [Gm] _ _ _ [C] _ [G] _
_ _ _ A tiny meteorite is reportedly headed straight for Legoland.
_ _ The devastation is expected to span 50 square blocks.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ [C] _ [G] _ _ _ [C] _ [G] _ _
_ _ [Em] _ [G] _ _ _ Please make Lord of the Rings 4, and please let Phil from Duck Dynasty be [C] Gandalf. _
[G] _ _ _ _ [Cm] _ [G] _ [C] Please.
_ _ _ _ [G] Gandalf, what should we do?
It looks like we need to go to Mordor.
_ [C] _ [F] And [G] Sauron's not gonna be happy, happy, happy. _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [C] _ [G] _
[C] _ [G] _ If VeggieTales ever does an episode about the disciple who became a god,
I really hope they call him Judas is a carrot. _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ That's funny right there.
I don't know who you are.
You don't think that's funny at all.
_ _ _ _ _ [C] _ [G] _
_ Whenever I'm gonna be left alone, I go to the mall and hold a [C] clipboard.
[G] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [C] _ [G] _
_ _ _ Arizona makes me nauseous, but it's a dry heave. _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Old McDonald was dyslexic, O-I-E-I [C]-E. _ _
_ [G] _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Just checking.
_ _ _ My father and grandfather both worked for the DMV.
So I come from a long line of long lines.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ Good friends are like fine wine.
_ That's why I keep mine locked in the [C] cellar. _
_ That was a retweet.
Sorry.
_ [G] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ Jolly Rancher's a weird name for a candy. _
If you meet a rancher who's jolly, chances are good he's growing pot.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Okay.
_ _ _ _ _ So we like the pot references, eh, Kentucky?
Okay.
Just trying to feel you out.
[C] _ [G] _
_ _ _ _ _ I love it how you do a VeggieTales one, then you do that one.
I just love you. _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ I heard that recently the man who invented the television remote control passed away.
They found him at home in between the couch [C] cushions.
[Gm] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[G] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ Going straight to heel for that one.
_ So _ _ _ _ _ _ my dad was a conjoined twin. _
It's not the joke, man.
_ [Am] You _ _ [C#] _
_ _ _ [E] _ _ _ _ _
got a lot of nerve.
[D] _ _ [G] _ _ _ _
[C] _ [G] My dad was a conjoined twin, so we used to refer to his brother as my uncle on my father's side. _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ I'm sorry.
_ [C] _ [Gm] _
It's okay, [N] guys.
They were surgically separated.
Now he's my uncle [C] once removed.
_ [D] _ _ _ [G] _ Johnny [Em] W.,. everybody. Give a [N] big round of applause tonight. _ _ _ _ _