Chords for That Handsome Devil - Dating Tips

_ _ [Eb] _ _ [Db] _ _ [Cm] People often [F] ask me, God forbid they say,
You're quite the ladies man, what's your secret? _ _
[G] Well, you too can [C] be swimming in [Bm] women,
[G] Afloat in seas of [A] ovaries, but [C] more importantly,
[Bm] Knowing [G] whether behind [Am] those pretty eyes,
You [C] have a diamond in the [G] rough,
Or colored contact lenses [A] in a rough [C] stripper named diamond.
[Bm] _
[G] Let's recreate [Am] the scene,
Make [C] believe you're at a table [Bm] seat,
Talking [G] playfully to the [Am] waitress at your local [C] place to eat.
[B] Way beneath the apron, [G] Maybelline,
Smell [Am] of eggs and cheese, [C] bacon grease,
She's [Bm] a babe, a native [G] least.
You wanna [Am] push the plate of [C] quesadillas off the [Bm] table,
And spread them angels [G] wings,
[Am] But you can't say a thing,
[C] If you don't [Bm] do well with women,
They [G] sell prescription drugs [Am] on television,
[C] May cause loss [Bm] of appetite, [G] malnutrition,
Dizzy [Am] spells and different [C] bells were ringing,
[Bm] And that's where [G] I come in and give them [Am] a little extra [C] help to get it.
[Bm] You [G] see, [A] confidence is key [C] when entering any [G] situation,
We all have [A] insecurities,
So why not build [Bm] your confidence on [G] the insecurities [A] of others?
[C] Hey, [G] she's gonna f*** somebody,
[A] So why [C] not you?
[Bm] _
[G] The drunker you [Am] are, the easier [C] it is to get laid,
[Bm] But the harder it is [G] to pssssh,
You [Am] may have to picture what [C] it is this month,
[B] Whoever you've been thinking [G] of,
The girl at [Am] the Pizza Hut, midgets, nuns,
Whatever [Bm] little miss it [G] was,
And with a little [Am] hard work, a little luck,
[C] If you haven't given up, [Bm] maybe you can get it [G] up.
Now a psssh [Am] is supposed to be [C] fun,
Instant [B] gratification, a [G] rollercoaster,
But no [Am] one wants to get [C] stuck over and over,
[B] Going home to the [G] rollercoaster,
[Am] It's hard to watch [C] you shoulder through [B] your homework,
[G] And when the ride you [Am] rode is over,
It [C] will cost more than [Bm] a rollercoaster.
[G] You can't go home now,
I know how warm and good it feels,
But it's getting [A] crowded around [C] here,
Please [G] roll out,
If it's not the one you want to [C] stay with,
You can go [B] on the base, but not [G] the abbreviation,
[A] Taking payments from [C] your paycheck,
You can [G] do it, roll out.
Men have what [Am] I call a [C] Columbus Complex,
[Bm] Other people may have [G] been there,
But we [Am] still want to feel like we [C] discovered it,
[Bm] So don't tell the number [G] that you've done it with,
[Am] Your son was in [C] Columbia when you were [G] young,
And did a bunch of dumb and sh**ty [Am] rambunctious kids,
[C] Just wait for the second [Bm] date to cuff the [G] wrist,
Sponges, [Am] rubber gloves, and whipped southern [Bm] mitts.
Now a well [G]-tuned personal area, [Am] that's nice,
But why is she so [B] ready?
You don't [G] suppose that she [Am] never knows
When she [C] might show somebody,
[Bm] Now figure [G] that before you [Am] go steady,
Or [C] maybe at your [B] own wedding,
[G] If she's your [A] girlfriend, leave her alone [C] with your friends,
[Bm] Now I don't [G] expect no virgin, but [A] let him try to screw,
[C] If she's flirting [Bm] or cute, then it [G] works, man,
Give it to her and get yourself a new girlfriend,
[Em] Remember, [G] discrepancy [A] escapes Drake,
At this [C] party she's an eight, [Bm] at the club a seven,
[G] My apartment a [A] ten, environment dictates,
The morning after [G] she may slip to a [A] three,
Cause some [C] things are better [Bm] just the less of,
[G] This concludes the introductory segment of the God Forbid Self Help Collection,
And in sync with other [A] races,
[C] No bound internet, [Bm] no relation,
[G] For further [A] behavioral instructions,
[C] Consult a nearest [G] strip club,
Or bookstore,
[A] Thank you, [C] and enjoy yourself,
[Bm] _ _
[G] If [Am] it's not the one [C] you want, just [Bm] let it go,
[G] If [A] it's not the one you want, just [Bm] let it go,
[G] _ _ [Am] _ _ [C] _ _ [Bm] _ _
[N] _ _ _ _ _ _ [Ebm] _ _
_ [Ab] Filled with good people,
_ _ But what [Db] good is good,
In times like these? _