Chords for Seamus Kennedy - Seven Drunken Nights

Yes, Seven Drunken Nights.
_ _ This is a battle of the sexes.
This is a contest song, the men against the women.
_ It's also a story song, so if you do pay attention, you will pick up the story as well.
It's [Gb] about a guy who [Eb] comes home drunk every night, sees his wife in [G] bed with somebody else.
She [D] accuses him of being drunk and seeing things. _ _
[C] He was Irish, he believed [A] her. _ _ _
So here's how [Db] it goes.
_ _ [B] I'll sing these words.
_ _ _ As I came home on Monday night as drunk as drunk [Abm] could be,
I saw a horse outside the door, [Dbm] my own horse indeed.
I called my wife and I said to her,
[N] Hey wife, you bitch!
And at that time in the song, all the men shout,
Hey wife, you bitch!
_ And all the women shout [B] right back,
What do you want, [E] you drunken bastard?
[Eb] _ _ [D]
Okay.
[G] _ Now it is a contest.
There are only seven verses.
There cannot be a tie, there has to be a clear winner.
I'm going to [F] give both sides a couple of [G] valuable tips here.
_ Unison and volume.
[Eb]
You've got to have it really tight, stop and start, [Bb] and be really loud.
I am the judge.
[B] What do I do on the merits of [Ab] your unison and volume?
_ _ [B] Let's start again.
_ _ _ _ [Eb] Ready? _
_ [F] _ [Db] Amanda, ready?
Jamie, I've had you kick some female butt here since you left in your [B] uniform. _ _
I drank and hung me night as drunk as drunk [Abm] could be.
[Eb] Don't these three look like a panel of [C] judges sitting over there?
[B] They're freaking American, I love it when I'm sitting there. _
[Ebm] And Simon's [N] looking particularly bitchy this evening.
_ _ [B] _ _ _ I drank and hung me night as drunk as [Abm] drunk could be.
I saw a horse outside the door, my own horse indeed.
[B] I called my wife and I said [C] to her,
Hey wife, [N] you bitch!
I _ _ _ drank and hung me night as drunk as drunk could be.
Wrong to nothing for the men. _
[Dbm] _ _ _ [B] I saw a horse outside the door, my own horse indeed.
I am drunk to [Ab] death, just sitting [B] out there with a spitting head, [Abm] see.
[B] That's the only sound that [Abm] matters to me.
And any day I travel over a hundred miles or more,
For the sound of a sow, [Db] sure I hear the sound of a bull.
Ladies, you need to [Abm] be a little bit more excited than that.
[C] As soon as the guy's finished, you start, alright?
You were loud enough, you just really [Abm] slobbered through the talk.
[B] I had a guy came home on Tuesday night as drunk as [Abm] drunk could be.
I saw a coat behind the door, [Dbm] my own [Abm] coat indeed.
I [B] called my wife and I [F] said to her,
Hey wife, you _ [N] bitch!
Hey wife, you drunk as drunk could be!
Yes, I had to encourage them, didn't I?
_ _ _ It's all [E] tied up, would you kindly tell them [B] who that coat belongs to.
The [Db] guy from my other coat indeed.
I am drunk to death, just sitting out there with a spitting head, [Abm] see.
_ [B] That's the only blanket that [Eb] matters to me.
And any [Abm] day I travel over a hundred miles or more,
[B] For the buttons in a blanket, sure [Db] I hear the sound of a bull.
_ As I came home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk [Abm] could be,
I saw two boots beneath the bed [Dbm] where my own boots should be.
[B] I called my wife and I said to her,
[N] Hey wife, you bitch!
Hey wife, you drunk as drunk could be! _
Two for one, _ _ [D] for the [E] men,
_ [Dbm] _ _ _ _ [B] I am _ [Abm] _ _ [Ab] _ _ [B] _ drunk to death, just sitting out there with a spitting head, [Abm] see. _
That's the only blanket that [Eb] matters to me.
And any day I travel over a hundred [Abm] miles or more,
For the buttons in a blanket, [Ab] sure I hear the sound of a bull.
Oh [C] this is turning out to be quite the ethic [B] struggle, isn't it?
As I came home on Thursday night, a stroke just [Abm] drunken me.
I saw a pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be.
[B] I called my wife and I said to her,
I [N] WANT YOU THERE!
WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU DROPPING _ BASTARD!
Yeah, they got a bad time that's what.
[E] I'll tell you what we got.
Could you kindly tell to [B] me,
Who owns that pipe [Abm] upon the chair where my old pipe [B] should be?
I hear Dr.
Dick just sitting on the roof and saying,
You cannot see, that's a [B] penny worth of neighbors who can be.
It's money I get out, a hundred [Abm] pennies or more,
But there ain't no little [Ab] school I never saw before.
Oh, toot-a-toot.
As I came home on Friday night, a stroke just [Abm] drunken me.
I saw a head upon the bed where my [Dbm] old head should be.
[B] I called my wife and I said to her,
[C] I WANT YOU [Bb] THERE!
WHAT [C] DO YOU WANT, YOU DROPPING BASTARD!
Meet at home for [Dbm] the night,
Could you kindly _ tell to me,
Who [B] owns that head [E] upon the bed where [Ab] my old head should be?
I hear Dr.
Dick just sitting on the roof and saying,
You cannot see, that's a baby boy in a mirror,
So it's a penny, it's money I get out,
A [Abm] hundred pennies or more,
[B] But a baby boy with a whiskers on my head,
It's all good.
Gentlemen, I think you need to be a little bit more shrill.
You know?
_ Keep yourself a good grab of the scroll before you get out of it.
_ _ _ As I came home on Saturday night, a stroke just [Abm] drunken me.
I saw a thing upon the bed where my old [Abm] thing should be.
I called my wife and I said to [N] her,
I WANT YOU THERE!
[C] WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU DROPPING BASTARD!
_ _ _ _ _ _ It's me, it's a [E] girlfriend, oh yes.
[Dbm] Could you kindly tell to me,
Who _
_ [B] owns that thing upon [Dbm] the bed where my old [B] thing should be?
I hear Dr.
Dick [Ab] just sitting on the roof and saying,
[Abm] That she's absolutely [Gb] hammer,
And my mother sent to me,
[B] It's money I get out,
A hundred [Abm] pennies or more,
But a hammer with a head like that I never saw before.
Hence the [F] expression,
Ball-peen [B] hammer.
_ _ We come to the final verse and it's by Gregor.
[C] Okay, this is the big one.
Everybody concentrate.
The judge will decide who wins [B] this one. _
Champion for this weekend.
_ _ _ Okay there, Simon?
_ _ _ [D] Simon, Alvin and Theodore.
[B] _ _ _ As I came home on Sunday night,
As drunk [Abm] as drunk could be,
I saw a man run out the door,
Even after three.
[B] I called my wife and I said to her,
[N] I WANT YOU THERE!
WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU DROPPING BASTARD!
_ The winner is_
[E] _ The winner [Dbm] is_
The [E] winner is_
The winner [Db] _
_ is_
I, Gregor, I'm just very happy to be here.
As you [Abm] can all see,
[B] That's a tax collector,
Who came sent to me,
It's money I get out,
A [Abm] hundred pennies or more,
For [B] an Englishman who could laugh [Ab] till three,
I never [B] saw before. _
_ _ [Ab] YAY!
YAY! _ _
_ _ _ [E] _ _ _ _ [N] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ Let's hear it for Mary, Daryl and Daryl,
Who are you and your wife bringing over here. _
_ Mary, Mom, Colleen. _ _ _
_ [A] _ _ Jesus, [N] Mary and Joseph. _
_ _ Father, Son and the Holy Ghost. _
That's all [D] the trinity that I know.
[E] No, Larry, Carly.
_ _ _ Yeah, but it's sent Larry and Mom.
It's another [Am] version of the Stooges, yes.
You're right, sir.
_ _ Six million sperm and he's the one [B] that got three.
_ [G] _ _ _ _
_ [Dm] Anybody that knows all the different [D] configurations of the Stooges
Need to get a license.
_ [N] _ _
No, no, no!
_ Oh, gee.
_ [E] _