Chords for Mike Snider - Banjer Funnyman
Tempo:
80.575 bpm
Chords used:
D
A
G
E
B
Tuning:Standard Tuning (EADGBE)Capo:+0fret
Start Jamming...
We've had a little action the last two or three months.
We had two doctors move
town, had to run both of them off.
First one was having affairs with his patients.
I hated to see him go, he's the best veterinarian we've ever had.
Then that
other moved in there and he didn't last a week.
This lady went in to get an
examination.
He said, well I'll have to, if I'm gonna examine you, you'll have to
undress.
She said, well I can't do that.
She said, I'm shy, I won't even do that
in front of my husband.
He said, well I'll turn out the lights.
She said, well
all right.
So he hit the light switch, she took a few things off.
She said, where
you want me to put my clothes?
And he said, just throw them over there in the corner on top of mine.
Well folks, about time for me to tell you a story.
I heard it good another day.
Porter Wagner told me this.
I'll have to clean it up just a little bit.
There was
two monkeys sitting on a limb out in the jungle and one of them poked the other in the ribs and said, I am
sick of this place.
There's nothing going on out here.
It's boring.
I'm gonna stir up
some action today.
And he looked out through there and there's two lions under
a tree.
He poked his monkey buddy in the ribs and said, look, there's two lions.
I'm gonna run
down there and kick one of them right square in the rump.
Now, right there's where I [N] cleaned it up.
He run down there and kicked the lion and took off running.
Well, when the lion
finally got his breath back, y'all done figured out where he kicked him.
He took
off after the monkey.
That monkey was going through the jungle limb to limb and
from limb to limb.
He had a banjo like me to kill himself.
And he looked behind him and that lion was about to catch him.
So he swung over this
campsite.
He dropped down in there.
He put him on a pair of sunglasses, grabbed a lawn chair, picked up a
newspaper and he sat down in a lawn chair and held that paper up in front of him.
The lion come busting into the camp.
He said, have you seen a dang
monkey come through here?
That monkey said, you mean the one that kicked that lion in the rump?
That lion said, well, dang, is that in the paper already?
This old boy's wife was out feeding the hogs and they came in and of course you know how you smell when you've been out in the hog pen.
So they headed for the
shower.
She got in there first and she got out of the shower and she was toweling off.
And her husband was in the shower there and the doorbell
rung.
Well, she pulled that towel up over and ran down to see who it was.
She peeped out the window there and seen it was the neighbor.
She went and opened up
the door and she said, Joe, what do you want?
He said, I'll give you $500 if you'll drop that towel.
She went, oh, I need the money.
Well, he got him a real good look
and raised his pocket and pulled out $500 and handed it to her.
And then just turned around and walked off.
She picked her towel up and put it under her arm and went on back in the
house.
Her husband said, who was that at the door?
She said, that was Joe.
He said, I hope he's bringing me that $500 he owes me.
One of the nearest little tunes we've got out right now and I hope you'll enjoy it.
It's a pure love song.
It goes [D] like this.
You want the voice.
Okay, I'm ready.
You say that I don't [G] love you.
You say my [D] love's untrue.
Well, darling, if I was a rich [E] man, I'd prove my love to [A] you.
[D] I'd buy you a diamond [G] ring and a new fur coat or [D] two.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it [D] all on you.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you.
I'd buy you a Cadillac and a [A] new Mercedes too.
[D] I'd build you that mansion [G] up on the mountaintop.
[D]
If my nose was running money, [E] but honey, [D] it's not.
[E]
[A] [D]
If my nose was running money, let me tell you what I'd do.
I'd buy you a John Deere tractor.
We'd sell that [A] old gray mule.
[D] I'd carry you down to Walmart and buy you a brand new pair of shoes.
You'd not have to be a plow [A] and barefooted the way you always do.
[D] If my nose was running money, we could have anything we pleased.
The first time you needed cash, [E] all I'd have to do is sneeze.
[A] [D] We'd be living high on the [G] hog and the hog wouldn't be [D] so lean.
If my nose was running money, honey, we'd be a-rolling in the green.
[G] It's a bugger of a problem.
[D] I wish my nose was running money, [A] but it's not.
[D] I'd buy you a Cadillac and a new Mercedes too.
If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you.
[B] [D] [E]
[N]
We had two doctors move
town, had to run both of them off.
First one was having affairs with his patients.
I hated to see him go, he's the best veterinarian we've ever had.
Then that
other moved in there and he didn't last a week.
This lady went in to get an
examination.
He said, well I'll have to, if I'm gonna examine you, you'll have to
undress.
She said, well I can't do that.
She said, I'm shy, I won't even do that
in front of my husband.
He said, well I'll turn out the lights.
She said, well
all right.
So he hit the light switch, she took a few things off.
She said, where
you want me to put my clothes?
And he said, just throw them over there in the corner on top of mine.
Well folks, about time for me to tell you a story.
I heard it good another day.
Porter Wagner told me this.
I'll have to clean it up just a little bit.
There was
two monkeys sitting on a limb out in the jungle and one of them poked the other in the ribs and said, I am
sick of this place.
There's nothing going on out here.
It's boring.
I'm gonna stir up
some action today.
And he looked out through there and there's two lions under
a tree.
He poked his monkey buddy in the ribs and said, look, there's two lions.
I'm gonna run
down there and kick one of them right square in the rump.
Now, right there's where I [N] cleaned it up.
He run down there and kicked the lion and took off running.
Well, when the lion
finally got his breath back, y'all done figured out where he kicked him.
He took
off after the monkey.
That monkey was going through the jungle limb to limb and
from limb to limb.
He had a banjo like me to kill himself.
And he looked behind him and that lion was about to catch him.
So he swung over this
campsite.
He dropped down in there.
He put him on a pair of sunglasses, grabbed a lawn chair, picked up a
newspaper and he sat down in a lawn chair and held that paper up in front of him.
The lion come busting into the camp.
He said, have you seen a dang
monkey come through here?
That monkey said, you mean the one that kicked that lion in the rump?
That lion said, well, dang, is that in the paper already?
This old boy's wife was out feeding the hogs and they came in and of course you know how you smell when you've been out in the hog pen.
So they headed for the
shower.
She got in there first and she got out of the shower and she was toweling off.
And her husband was in the shower there and the doorbell
rung.
Well, she pulled that towel up over and ran down to see who it was.
She peeped out the window there and seen it was the neighbor.
She went and opened up
the door and she said, Joe, what do you want?
He said, I'll give you $500 if you'll drop that towel.
She went, oh, I need the money.
Well, he got him a real good look
and raised his pocket and pulled out $500 and handed it to her.
And then just turned around and walked off.
She picked her towel up and put it under her arm and went on back in the
house.
Her husband said, who was that at the door?
She said, that was Joe.
He said, I hope he's bringing me that $500 he owes me.
One of the nearest little tunes we've got out right now and I hope you'll enjoy it.
It's a pure love song.
It goes [D] like this.
You want the voice.
Okay, I'm ready.
You say that I don't [G] love you.
You say my [D] love's untrue.
Well, darling, if I was a rich [E] man, I'd prove my love to [A] you.
[D] I'd buy you a diamond [G] ring and a new fur coat or [D] two.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it [D] all on you.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you.
I'd buy you a Cadillac and a [A] new Mercedes too.
[D] I'd build you that mansion [G] up on the mountaintop.
[D]
If my nose was running money, [E] but honey, [D] it's not.
[E]
[A] [D]
If my nose was running money, let me tell you what I'd do.
I'd buy you a John Deere tractor.
We'd sell that [A] old gray mule.
[D] I'd carry you down to Walmart and buy you a brand new pair of shoes.
You'd not have to be a plow [A] and barefooted the way you always do.
[D] If my nose was running money, we could have anything we pleased.
The first time you needed cash, [E] all I'd have to do is sneeze.
[A] [D] We'd be living high on the [G] hog and the hog wouldn't be [D] so lean.
If my nose was running money, honey, we'd be a-rolling in the green.
[G] It's a bugger of a problem.
[D] I wish my nose was running money, [A] but it's not.
[D] I'd buy you a Cadillac and a new Mercedes too.
If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you.
[B] [D] [E]
[N]
Key:
D
A
G
E
B
D
A
G
_ _ _ We've had a little action the last two or three months.
We had two doctors move
town, had to run both of them off.
First one was having affairs with his patients.
_ I hated to see him go, he's the best veterinarian we've ever had. _ _ _ _ _ _
_ Then that
other moved in there and he didn't last a week. _
This lady went in to get an
examination.
He said, well I'll have to, if I'm gonna examine you, you'll have to
undress.
She said, well I can't do that.
She said, I'm shy, I won't even do that
in front of my husband.
He said, well I'll turn out the lights.
She said, well
all right.
So he hit the light switch, she took a few things off.
She said, where
you want me to put my clothes?
And he said, just throw them over there in the corner on top of mine. _ _ _ _ _
Well folks, about time for me to tell you a story.
I heard it good another day.
Porter Wagner told me this.
I'll have to clean it up just a little bit.
There was
two monkeys sitting on a limb out in the jungle and one of them poked the other in the ribs and said, I am
sick of this place.
There's nothing going on out here.
It's boring.
I'm gonna stir up
some action today.
And he looked out through there and there's two lions under
a tree.
He poked his monkey buddy in the ribs and said, look, there's two lions.
I'm gonna run
down there and kick one of them right square in the rump.
_ Now, right there's where I [N] cleaned it up. _ _ _ _ _ _
He run down there and kicked the lion and took off running.
Well, when the lion
finally got his breath back, _ _ _ y'all done figured out where he kicked him.
_ He took
off after the monkey.
That monkey was going through the jungle limb to limb and
from limb to limb.
He had a banjo like me to kill himself. _
And he looked behind him and that lion was about to catch him.
So he swung over this
campsite.
He dropped down in there.
He put him on a pair of sunglasses, grabbed a lawn chair, picked up a
newspaper and he sat down in a lawn chair and held that paper up in front of him.
The lion come busting into the camp.
He said, have you seen a dang
monkey come through here?
That monkey said, you mean the one that kicked that lion in the rump?
_ That lion said, well, dang, is that in the paper already?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ This old boy's wife was out feeding the hogs and they came in and of course you know how you smell when you've been out in the hog pen.
So they headed for the
shower.
She got in there first and she got out of the shower and she was toweling off.
_ And her husband was in the shower there and the doorbell
rung.
Well, she pulled that towel up over and ran down to see who it was.
She peeped out the window there and seen it was the neighbor.
She went and opened up
the door and she said, Joe, what do you want?
He said, I'll give you $500 if you'll drop that towel.
She went, oh, I need the money. _ _ _
_ Well, he got him a real good look
and raised his pocket and pulled out $500 and handed it to her.
And then just turned around and walked off.
She picked her towel up and put it under her arm and went on back in the
house.
Her husband said, who was that at the door?
She said, that was Joe.
He said, I hope he's bringing me that $500 he owes me. _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ One of the nearest little tunes we've got out right now and I hope you'll enjoy it.
It's a pure love song.
It goes [D] like this.
You want the voice.
Okay, I'm ready.
You say that I don't [G] love you.
You say my [D] love's untrue.
Well, darling, if I was a rich [E] man, I'd prove my love to [A] you.
[D] I'd buy you a diamond [G] ring and a new fur coat or [D] two.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it [D] all on you.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you.
I'd buy you a Cadillac and a [A] new Mercedes too.
[D] I'd build you that mansion [G] up on the mountaintop.
[D]
If my nose was running money, [E] but honey, [D] it's not. _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [E] _
[A] _ _ _ [D] _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ If my nose was running money, let me tell you what I'd do.
I'd buy you a John Deere tractor.
We'd sell that [A] old gray mule.
_ [D] I'd carry you down to Walmart and buy you a brand new pair of shoes.
You'd not have to be a plow [A] and barefooted the way you always do.
[D] _ If my nose was running money, we could have anything we pleased.
The first time you needed cash, [E] all I'd have to do is sneeze.
[A] _ [D] We'd be living high on the [G] hog and the hog wouldn't be [D] so lean.
If my nose was running money, honey, we'd be a-rolling in the green. _
[G] It's a bugger of a problem.
[D] _ I wish my nose was running money, [A] but it's not.
[D] I'd buy you a Cadillac and a new Mercedes too.
If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you.
_ _ [B] _ [D] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ [E] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [N] _
We had two doctors move
town, had to run both of them off.
First one was having affairs with his patients.
_ I hated to see him go, he's the best veterinarian we've ever had. _ _ _ _ _ _
_ Then that
other moved in there and he didn't last a week. _
This lady went in to get an
examination.
He said, well I'll have to, if I'm gonna examine you, you'll have to
undress.
She said, well I can't do that.
She said, I'm shy, I won't even do that
in front of my husband.
He said, well I'll turn out the lights.
She said, well
all right.
So he hit the light switch, she took a few things off.
She said, where
you want me to put my clothes?
And he said, just throw them over there in the corner on top of mine. _ _ _ _ _
Well folks, about time for me to tell you a story.
I heard it good another day.
Porter Wagner told me this.
I'll have to clean it up just a little bit.
There was
two monkeys sitting on a limb out in the jungle and one of them poked the other in the ribs and said, I am
sick of this place.
There's nothing going on out here.
It's boring.
I'm gonna stir up
some action today.
And he looked out through there and there's two lions under
a tree.
He poked his monkey buddy in the ribs and said, look, there's two lions.
I'm gonna run
down there and kick one of them right square in the rump.
_ Now, right there's where I [N] cleaned it up. _ _ _ _ _ _
He run down there and kicked the lion and took off running.
Well, when the lion
finally got his breath back, _ _ _ y'all done figured out where he kicked him.
_ He took
off after the monkey.
That monkey was going through the jungle limb to limb and
from limb to limb.
He had a banjo like me to kill himself. _
And he looked behind him and that lion was about to catch him.
So he swung over this
campsite.
He dropped down in there.
He put him on a pair of sunglasses, grabbed a lawn chair, picked up a
newspaper and he sat down in a lawn chair and held that paper up in front of him.
The lion come busting into the camp.
He said, have you seen a dang
monkey come through here?
That monkey said, you mean the one that kicked that lion in the rump?
_ That lion said, well, dang, is that in the paper already?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ This old boy's wife was out feeding the hogs and they came in and of course you know how you smell when you've been out in the hog pen.
So they headed for the
shower.
She got in there first and she got out of the shower and she was toweling off.
_ And her husband was in the shower there and the doorbell
rung.
Well, she pulled that towel up over and ran down to see who it was.
She peeped out the window there and seen it was the neighbor.
She went and opened up
the door and she said, Joe, what do you want?
He said, I'll give you $500 if you'll drop that towel.
She went, oh, I need the money. _ _ _
_ Well, he got him a real good look
and raised his pocket and pulled out $500 and handed it to her.
And then just turned around and walked off.
She picked her towel up and put it under her arm and went on back in the
house.
Her husband said, who was that at the door?
She said, that was Joe.
He said, I hope he's bringing me that $500 he owes me. _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ One of the nearest little tunes we've got out right now and I hope you'll enjoy it.
It's a pure love song.
It goes [D] like this.
You want the voice.
Okay, I'm ready.
You say that I don't [G] love you.
You say my [D] love's untrue.
Well, darling, if I was a rich [E] man, I'd prove my love to [A] you.
[D] I'd buy you a diamond [G] ring and a new fur coat or [D] two.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it [D] all on you.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you.
I'd buy you a Cadillac and a [A] new Mercedes too.
[D] I'd build you that mansion [G] up on the mountaintop.
[D]
If my nose was running money, [E] but honey, [D] it's not. _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [E] _
[A] _ _ _ [D] _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ If my nose was running money, let me tell you what I'd do.
I'd buy you a John Deere tractor.
We'd sell that [A] old gray mule.
_ [D] I'd carry you down to Walmart and buy you a brand new pair of shoes.
You'd not have to be a plow [A] and barefooted the way you always do.
[D] _ If my nose was running money, we could have anything we pleased.
The first time you needed cash, [E] all I'd have to do is sneeze.
[A] _ [D] We'd be living high on the [G] hog and the hog wouldn't be [D] so lean.
If my nose was running money, honey, we'd be a-rolling in the green. _
[G] It's a bugger of a problem.
[D] _ I wish my nose was running money, [A] but it's not.
[D] I'd buy you a Cadillac and a new Mercedes too.
If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you.
If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you.
_ _ [B] _ [D] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ [E] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [N] _