Chords for Metalocalypse S1 - Three clips from each episode

I [C] love to laugh.
[E] Hi.
Hi.
[Am] Guess what, you are a G [B]-milf.
That is a [C] grandmother that I would like to-
_ [C] There's only one thing you have to do.
Kill [F] ourselves!
Who is [G] _ Walnuts?
Uh, Hatoke, [Ab] look inside of your basket.
Guess what, you are [Bb] in such a crappy mood, you have ladies' [C] tampons.
On side [Em] of it.
And you buy them for yourself.
Go have a conversation with all the ladies [C] and tell them your problems.
[G] You ladies' squisgar-
NO I'M NOT!
This is metal.
For fish.
Hi, Pickle, have you fixed the problem down there?
Dude, [Db] stupid nuclear ware, I don't know what's going on here.
Hey, you could just kill myself.
_ [Ebm] _ Maybe it would be better if I just kill myself, huh?
And the birthday cake, it's gotta be totally metal.
I just read about this thing online, you can buy a star and name it.
Like what if we named it like, Muhammad Ali, the black prize fighter.
That would be his gift.
_ _ F*** you.
Oh wait, wait, wait, wait.
Death Clock has summoned [Dm] a troll.
That's impossible, there's no such thing as trolls.
And how do you explain the [Bbm] dead [C] unicorns?
Oh, I hate Finland.
I need a hundred beers.
I need a hundred beers.
Exactly.
[Fm] Exactly one hundred, [F] thank you.
_ _ _ _ [C] _
What's the opposite of tragedy?
_ _ COMEDY!
_ _ _ _ _ [B] The [C] album clearly states, intended for fish only.
I rest my cake.
It was brutal.
And I ain't never going back up there again, cause I ain't funny.
And neither are any of you.
I'm dark and brutal and filled with hatred.
Gentlemen, you're the twelfth largest economy in the world in climbing.
And yet you all are intensely private.
Little is known about your personal lives.
Why?
Because. _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [N] _ _
_ What the f***?
_ I think it's okay if we hate each other, that's okay with me.
But we can't have this happen again, it costs too much.
[C] _
_ _ _ [E] Just let me [C] record it.
It's taken worse.
He's slowly learning how to unplay the guitar.
We have found out that you could just, you know, buy psychological validation, so_
You sons of b****es.
Just cause we're not broken up doesn't mean we can't reunite.
[G] Actually, I think that's exactly what that means.
[N] Seriously?
What bands were you in?
Oh, about a million I was in.
Agnostic Priest, Gangagar, Eliliel, Al-El-Al,
Gug Nog Mug, Olog Dog,
F*** Face Academy, Sausage Assassin,
Financially Raped, Smugly Dismissed.
Just do a great job.
And don't leave us.
I'm gonna get going.
Your music sucks and you're an asshole.
I'm having a hard time expressing myself. _
_ [C] Oh, Blood Puke.
Good song title.
Someone write that?
Oh, that's right, we already wrote that.
Roll it.
You people out there give us something more than just record sales.
You give us something to hate.
We hate you.
Great students.
[Ab] _ _ [D] _ _ [B]
Now, have you eaten anything this morning?
_ [Abm] Nope.
Are you sure?
I mean, yeah.
I mean, no.
Okay, anesthesia, please.
_ _ [Eb] _ _
_ [Gb] The _ death clock holds for wayward kiddies.
_ Release the kiddies.
[C] _ _
Well, if you gave him something with a little less sugar, maybe he'd calm down.
Oh, but he loves eating that crap.
[Gb] What are we, can't just take that away from him?
What are we, Nazis?
Just get a little neuter him.
Try not to choke, you flat-top of [Cm] shit.
He loves you.
Hello, I'm fine.
Just [N] getting high.
Get any room for [Ab] any more zazz up here?
[Cm] _ I'm [Fm] Toki.
I slipped in and out [G] of diabetic coma.
[Cm] They sure makes insulin-flavored candy.
[Fm] Whatever.
Candy.
[G] Tastes like chicken.
Yeah, chicken was a candy. _ _
Dude, I thought you hated Wiener Wacht.
I smashed them.
Anybody [Gb] else get somethings cool?
Yeah, I was trying to chat.
I'm just too drunk right now.
I tried to buy that cinnamon bun franchise thing, but_
Oh, yeah, what the hell?
Too drunk.
Too drunk.
Oh, my God, I love being motivated.
I love being motivated.
Me too.
I love being motivated.
Just had another one of those I-can't-figure-it-out dreams again.
I think I might be stupid.
How could you be stupid?
You're famous.
Okay, see, playing simultaneous rhythms, polymeters, it's math.
So, let me give you an example.
Remember Guts Punch Balls Threw Up?
Remember that?
We go_ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ [N] You know that one?
Yeah, I get it.
_ The only reason I have a high school degree is because of [G] a very special principal
who let me just play bass and drink beer and [F] smoke dope
because I told him I'd cut his eyes out if he didn't let me graduate.
Why don't you try to play [B] this?
_ [A] _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ [C] That's close, man.
Sir?
Sorry, hey.
We, uh, we used to bargain our souls, you know, for whatever.
[D] We're here to play some Mississippi Delta Blues.
We're in a horrible [G] depression, and I gotta admit it, we're starting to like it. _ _
_ _ [D] _ _ This is Dildos, doesn't he know there's no such things as religion?
You mean you don't believe in God?
There is such thing as religion.
Well, it proves it.
Show me other miracles that religion exists.
Well, um, you know, there's the Bible right there.
_ Well, maybe I re-evaluate my life then.
It sucks, you know, but, uh, yeah, I say we kill him.
Oh, come on, you dicks.
He's the bass player.
Without him, we're nothing.
Sure, we mix his bass out of pretty much every song, but we need him.
Okay, we don't really need him.
I seek [E] revenge on Rachel Ray and the Food Network.
Can't you make her eyes fall out or [B] something?
[D] Tits fall out.
_ How come I can't sit around and screw sluts or something?
But, [Cm] no, you are the cutesy guy that kids like.
[Bb] You gotta helps people, [C] gets over their problems.
F*** that!
You dooz it!
_ [Ab] _ _
[C] Kids wish for something foundation.
[F] I'm gonna make kids wish they was [Cm] never born.
I'm gonna be a demon.
Watch them live their nightmares.
_ [C] _
_ _ _ _ _ Aw, jeez.
Hey, hey, hey, can I get you some tequila?
There was once a time [Fm] where I longed for pretty things, but [C] now that's changed.
I [G] long for murder.
Come on, how come [N] I can't have a friend that's a clown?
He makes me laugh.
[C] _
_ We care about you.
You [Eb] actually spend playing the, almost the [C] bass that can be listened to lately, murder-face, you know.
Maybe we even turns it up on the next album.
Yeah, what's wrong?
[G] _ _ [C] _
_ _ [G] _ _ _ _ [N] You're important too.
Stop yelling at me!
No, I'm not yelling.
Stop yelling at me!
I am not yelling.
I love you!
Okay, okay.
I love you too.
Okay, bye.
Alright, bye. _
You dick's got a problem?
Taser him. _ _
_ _ [Cm] _ _ _ [Eb] _ _ _
_ [D] Set.
Take five on the juice, Toki.
[G] Whoa!
But I just wanted to say, I was going to break up with you back there.
And now since you're in a coma, [C] I really don't have to.
You're like the ultimate girlfriend right now, and I don't, I don't want to lose that.
[B] So I'm fired.
Aw, classic Hollywood.
[Bb] Now maybe you hangs yourself.
[Am] Hang myself.
_ _ [F] _ [G] _
You are all very drunk, yes?
A little bit, yeah.
[Ab] Oh, [Em] what the f***?
What a piece of [G] s***!
We've figured out how to travel [Cm] through time at the speed of regular time with plastic bags. _ _ _ _
Though I do [Ab] not believe that this is the right thing to do [Cm] artistically,
I do, however, believe that this is [Eb] the right thing to do [C] financially.
_ _ [G] _
That's my bread and butter you're f***ing with. _ _ _ _