Chords for Macklemore - Penis Song

[F] Ladies and gentlemen, _ [Ab] _ [A] [Bb] introducing [B] _
[C] the [F] penis song.
[Ab] _ [A] [Bb] Hey dog.
[C] This [F] is my penis [Ab] song.
[A] _ [Bb] [B] I [C] wish that I [F] had a bigger [Ab] schlong.
_ [A] _ [Bb] One [C] that was quite a bit [F] more thick and way [Ab] more [A] long.
[Bb] _ [B]
[C] One of those porno [F] king [Ab] kong [A] dongs.
[Bb] Check it out.
[C] Yo, I [F] wish my dick was bigger.
[Ab] Yup, [Bb] I can admit it.
I'm above [B] average on inches [C] but I want a damn double [F] digits.
If I had a big ol' [Ab] cock for [A] what I do, [Bb] I'd probably go to [B] Florida and [C] show it to Trina and [F] Scrooge.
Get butt naked [Ab] and start streaking [Bb] at my school and get [B] arrested but at least [C] the girls would be impressed [F] with my third [Ab] leg.
And then I'd go to [A] a keg [Bb] and do [B] a keg stand.
[C] Get drunk and do the running [F] man with no clothes [Ab] on just [A] to show [Bb] off.
My dick's [B] bigger than [C] yours when mine is cold [F] and soft.
_ [Ab] [A] Oh yeah, [Bb] I forgot [Cm] that's not really the cock that I [F] have.
I went out and potty bagged [Ab] him and quickly [A] opened the [Bb] package and it fit me [B] like [Cm] crisscrosses.
Old school starter [F] jackets.
Tryna convince [Ab] myself like [A] size doesn't [Bb] matter.
[B] Anyways, I'd [C] probably just put it on backwards.
[F] I mean, I know that God [Ab] made us all [A] different and special [Bb] but shit, did he [B] really have to [Cm] invent lopsided [F] testicles?
[Ab] I [A] don't have them.
[Bb] I just [B] feel bad [C] for like, you know, the guys that [F] like, you know, their left one like [Ab] hangs like [A] lower than the right [Bb] one.
Kind of like a, [C] kind of like a lazy [F] eye like on your [Ab] balls.
[A] I mean, I don't [Bb] know.
I just heard that [Cm] I feel bad.
This [F] is my penis [Fm] song.
[A] _ [Bb] _
[C] I wish that I [F] had a bigger shlong.
[Ab] _ [A] _ [Bb] _
[C] One that was quite a bit [Fm] more thick and a more [A] long.
[Bb] _
[C] Feel as if y'all [F] feel missing along.
[Ab] _ [A] [Bb] No, no, [Cm] no, no, no.
Yo dudes, yo.
[F] Hey yo, ladies.
[Bb] Yeah?
Ladies.
Yeah?
Do you want [B] a guy with your [C] average dick?
Hell [F] no.
Then, wait.
No, you honking dick.
Okay, that's cool.
No.
Whatever.
That's fine.
I promise.
[Ab] I'm [A] so self [Bb]-conscious.
That's [B] why you never [Cm] see me skinny dipping in [F] August.
Always [Ab] walking around with my [A] hands in my [Bb] pockets.
Trying to pump blood [C] into my guy [F] Alfonso.
I mean, god damn.
[Ab] I don't think you girls [Bb] understand.
I've had a complex [C] since that song Short Short [F] Man.
And even though [Ab] girls have told me that I'm [Bb] big when I watch the [C] porno.
I feel like a little [F] kid.
I mean, let's [Ab] take Ron [A] Jeremy.
[Bb] Now if a girl sees [C] him, she'll compare him to [F] me.
And every MC in [Ab] hip hop has [A] got a huge [Bb] cock or at least talk [Cm] about it in every song that they [F] drop.
I mean, shit.
[Ab] If I was [Bb] really hung, I'd make a whole [C] album called Me and My [F] Dick.
Where it eludes all [Ab] the girls that I've been [Bb] with.
And talk about my [C] package and multiple [F] orgasms.
Because all that I see [Ab] is that size does [Bb] matter.
We got incite [Cm] penis, pump surgery to [F] Viagra.
And when it all [Ab] adds up, you [A] can't really [Bb] change it.
I'm not a porno [C] star.
I just got a [F] face.
You know?
[Ab] I mean, what can I do?
[Bb] Nothing, right?
This song goes [C] out to all the little bit [F] above average dudes.
To like [Ab] the small dudes, medium [Bb] dudes.
But all you big guys, men, [C] stop.
This [F] is my penis [Ab] song.
_ [Bb] _
[Cm] I wish that I [F] had a bigger [Ab] song.
_ [Bb] _
[C] One that was quite a [F] bit more thick and [Ab] way more long.
[Bb] Way more long, baby.
[C] Yeah, let's do it.
Y'all [F] feel me sing along.
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