Chords for John Thomas Allcock by Ivor Biggun - James Whale Show 1989
Tempo:
96 bpm
Chords used:
C
G
Gm
Cm
Dm
Tuning:Standard Tuning (EADGBE)Capo:+0fret
Start Jamming...
In to part, in to [G] part the jazz wail,
Lady and Joe!
[C] [G] Hello.
[Dm] Thank you.
[G] Welcome back, [C] ladies and gentlemen.
In [G] our continuing [F] search to bring you the best in musical sound,
we [C] have a treat for you tonight.
[G] Let me tell you a [C] little story.
[G] In the south of England, this is called a fletcherum.
But in the north of England, [G] it's called a [C] flonker.
[G] Ladies and gentlemen, [C] Ivor [G] Biggans!
[C] Hey!
[G]
John [C] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] he lived [C] northeast of Whitstable.
[Gm] He's got that [C] certain something [G] that the girls find [C] irresistible.
[G] He's a fine [C] upstanding fella, [G] and they say, [C] for what it's worth,
[G] his mother was [C] frightened by a donkey [G] six months [C] before his birth.
And when the midwife heaved him out, the first thing she could seize [G] on,
it wasn't his [C] arm, it wasn't his leg, and [Gm] I guess that that's the reason
[G]
[C] [G] why [C] he's [G] the [C] [Gm] man with [C] the biggest plonker [G] in the world!
He keeps it in his trousers, tight, the girl.
It's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[C] [Gm] John [C] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] at school the [C] kids all gathered [Gm] round and said,
please [C] tell us what is [Gm] that behind you [Cm] trailing on the [G] ground?
He said it was a python, and it had [C] got the mumps.
[G] Then he stuffed it in his ear and said, I am a petrol pump.
He stuffed it [Cm] down his wellies, [Gm] and the teacher [C] said,
now John, [G] you'll have to [C] stay behind when [Gm] all the other [C] kids have gone.
[G] And that's what's known [C] as further education.
[Gm] But you [C] don't get a certificate for [G] it, because [C] he was [Gm] the one and [C] only,
[Gm] intubatable, he was the man with [C] the biggest plonker [G] in the world!
He keeps it in his trousers, tight, the girl.
It's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[Gm] John [Cm] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] he grew up [C] virile, tall and [D] strong,
and he [C] became a chimney [Gm] sweep with a brush attached to his remarkable [G] dung.
And then he [C] went to China, [G] where dragons [Cm] can be found,
[Gm] and everybody [C] said, earl Luke, there's a [G] bloke with one dragon on the ground.
One dragon [C] on the ground, a bloke with one [G] dragon on the ground.
[C] [G] That's my kind of people!
[C] [G] And then he got married and he had five kids, and it comes as no [C] surprise,
he's got a lovely wife with a rather [G] strange expression in her eyes.
She just stands [Gm] there and goes, bah!
[C] She's also got [G] a locked jaw, but I won't talk [Cm] about that,
because she [Gm] happens to know [C] that he is [G] the [G] biggest [C] plonker in the world!
He keeps it in his trousers, sightly curl,
it's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
[G] He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[C] Let's do the sad bit now, there was such a [C] sad bit there, wasn't there?
[G]
John [C] Thomas Alcock, [G] he died.
Oh yes, [Gm] he did.
And because of rigor mortis, [G] they couldn't shut the [C] coffin lid.
And now he's up in heaven, and [G] his kids are very [Gm] proud
to see their daddy's dongler come dangling through the clouds.
[G] And when it's dark [C] and midnight, you can [G] hear the ladies sigh
and whistle when the ghost of old John Tom goes slithering [Gm] by,
dragging [C] his enormous equipment [G] behind him,
[C] like a [Gm] big pink train [C] with a [G] little purple carriage at the [C] end.
[Gm] [C] Because they know [G] that [C] he
[G] was [C] the [G] man with the biggest plonker in the world!
He keeps it in his trousers, sightly curl,
it's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker, what an enormous stonker!
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[C] Give it to me [G] one time, give it to me two times,
give it to me three times,
Bluesmaster Bob, give me a great big finish.
Go on then, go on.
[G] Yeah!
Oh!
Lady and Joe!
[C] [G] Hello.
[Dm] Thank you.
[G] Welcome back, [C] ladies and gentlemen.
In [G] our continuing [F] search to bring you the best in musical sound,
we [C] have a treat for you tonight.
[G] Let me tell you a [C] little story.
[G] In the south of England, this is called a fletcherum.
But in the north of England, [G] it's called a [C] flonker.
[G] Ladies and gentlemen, [C] Ivor [G] Biggans!
[C] Hey!
[G]
John [C] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] he lived [C] northeast of Whitstable.
[Gm] He's got that [C] certain something [G] that the girls find [C] irresistible.
[G] He's a fine [C] upstanding fella, [G] and they say, [C] for what it's worth,
[G] his mother was [C] frightened by a donkey [G] six months [C] before his birth.
And when the midwife heaved him out, the first thing she could seize [G] on,
it wasn't his [C] arm, it wasn't his leg, and [Gm] I guess that that's the reason
[G]
[C] [G] why [C] he's [G] the [C] [Gm] man with [C] the biggest plonker [G] in the world!
He keeps it in his trousers, tight, the girl.
It's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[C] [Gm] John [C] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] at school the [C] kids all gathered [Gm] round and said,
please [C] tell us what is [Gm] that behind you [Cm] trailing on the [G] ground?
He said it was a python, and it had [C] got the mumps.
[G] Then he stuffed it in his ear and said, I am a petrol pump.
He stuffed it [Cm] down his wellies, [Gm] and the teacher [C] said,
now John, [G] you'll have to [C] stay behind when [Gm] all the other [C] kids have gone.
[G] And that's what's known [C] as further education.
[Gm] But you [C] don't get a certificate for [G] it, because [C] he was [Gm] the one and [C] only,
[Gm] intubatable, he was the man with [C] the biggest plonker [G] in the world!
He keeps it in his trousers, tight, the girl.
It's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[Gm] John [Cm] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] he grew up [C] virile, tall and [D] strong,
and he [C] became a chimney [Gm] sweep with a brush attached to his remarkable [G] dung.
And then he [C] went to China, [G] where dragons [Cm] can be found,
[Gm] and everybody [C] said, earl Luke, there's a [G] bloke with one dragon on the ground.
One dragon [C] on the ground, a bloke with one [G] dragon on the ground.
[C] [G] That's my kind of people!
[C] [G] And then he got married and he had five kids, and it comes as no [C] surprise,
he's got a lovely wife with a rather [G] strange expression in her eyes.
She just stands [Gm] there and goes, bah!
[C] She's also got [G] a locked jaw, but I won't talk [Cm] about that,
because she [Gm] happens to know [C] that he is [G] the [G] biggest [C] plonker in the world!
He keeps it in his trousers, sightly curl,
it's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
[G] He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[C] Let's do the sad bit now, there was such a [C] sad bit there, wasn't there?
[G]
John [C] Thomas Alcock, [G] he died.
Oh yes, [Gm] he did.
And because of rigor mortis, [G] they couldn't shut the [C] coffin lid.
And now he's up in heaven, and [G] his kids are very [Gm] proud
to see their daddy's dongler come dangling through the clouds.
[G] And when it's dark [C] and midnight, you can [G] hear the ladies sigh
and whistle when the ghost of old John Tom goes slithering [Gm] by,
dragging [C] his enormous equipment [G] behind him,
[C] like a [Gm] big pink train [C] with a [G] little purple carriage at the [C] end.
[Gm] [C] Because they know [G] that [C] he
[G] was [C] the [G] man with the biggest plonker in the world!
He keeps it in his trousers, sightly curl,
it's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker, what an enormous stonker!
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[C] Give it to me [G] one time, give it to me two times,
give it to me three times,
Bluesmaster Bob, give me a great big finish.
Go on then, go on.
[G] Yeah!
Oh!
Key:
C
G
Gm
Cm
Dm
C
G
Gm
In to part, in to [G] part the jazz wail,
Lady and Joe!
[C] _ [G] Hello. _
[Dm] Thank you.
[G] Welcome back, [C] ladies and gentlemen.
In [G] our continuing [F] search to bring you the best in musical sound,
we [C] have a treat for you tonight.
[G] Let me tell you a [C] little story.
[G] In the south of England, this is called a fletcherum.
But in the north of England, [G] it's called a [C] flonker.
[G] Ladies and gentlemen, [C] Ivor [G] Biggans!
_ [C] Hey!
[G] _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ John [C] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] he lived [C] northeast of Whitstable.
[Gm] He's got that [C] certain something [G] that the girls find [C] irresistible.
[G] He's a fine [C] upstanding fella, [G] and they say, [C] for what it's worth,
[G] his mother was [C] frightened by a donkey [G] six months [C] before his birth.
And when the midwife heaved him out, the first thing she could seize [G] on,
it wasn't his [C] arm, it wasn't his leg, and [Gm] I guess that that's the reason
[G] _ _
[C] _ _ [G] why [C] he's _ [G] the [C] _ _ [Gm] man with [C] the biggest plonker [G] in the world!
_ He keeps it in his trousers, tight, the girl.
_ It's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[C] _ _ [Gm] John [C] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] at school the [C] kids all gathered [Gm] round and said,
please [C] tell us what is [Gm] that behind you [Cm] trailing on the [G] ground?
He said it was a python, and it had [C] got the mumps.
[G] Then he stuffed it in his ear and said, I am a petrol pump.
He stuffed it [Cm] down his wellies, [Gm] and the teacher [C] said,
now John, [G] you'll have to [C] stay behind when [Gm] all the other [C] kids have gone.
[G] And that's what's known [C] as further education.
[Gm] But you [C] don't get a certificate for [G] it, because [C] he was [Gm] the one and [C] only,
_ [Gm] intubatable, he was the man with [C] the biggest plonker [G] in the world!
_ He keeps it in his trousers, tight, the girl.
_ It's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
_ _ [Gm] John [Cm] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] he grew up [C] virile, tall and [D] strong,
and he [C] became a chimney [Gm] sweep with a brush attached to his remarkable [G] dung.
And then he [C] went to China, [G] where dragons [Cm] can be found,
[Gm] and everybody [C] said, earl Luke, there's a [G] bloke with one dragon on the ground.
One dragon [C] on the ground, a bloke with one [G] dragon on the ground.
_ [C] _ [G] That's my kind of people!
[C] _ [G] And then he got married and he had five kids, and it comes as no [C] surprise,
he's got a lovely wife with a rather [G] strange expression in her eyes.
She just stands [Gm] there and goes, bah!
[C] She's also got [G] a locked jaw, but I won't talk [Cm] about that,
because she [Gm] happens to know [C] that he _ is [G] the _ _ _ [G] biggest [C] plonker in the world!
_ He keeps it in his trousers, sightly curl,
_ it's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
[G] He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world! _ _ _ _
[C] Let's do the sad bit now, there was such a [C] sad bit there, wasn't there?
[G] _ _ _
_ John [C] Thomas Alcock, [G] he died.
Oh yes, [Gm] he did.
And because of rigor mortis, [G] they couldn't shut the [C] coffin lid.
And now he's up in heaven, and [G] his kids are very [Gm] proud
to see their daddy's dongler come dangling through the clouds.
[G] And when it's dark [C] and midnight, you can [G] hear the ladies sigh
and whistle when the ghost of old John Tom goes slithering [Gm] by,
dragging [C] his enormous equipment [G] behind him,
_ [C] like a [Gm] big pink train [C] with a [G] little purple carriage at the [C] end. _
[Gm] _ [C] Because they know [G] that [C] he _
[G] was [C] the _ [G] man with the biggest plonker in the world!
_ He keeps it in his trousers, sightly curl,
_ it's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker, what an enormous stonker!
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
_ [C] Give it to me [G] one time, give it to me two times,
give it to me three times, _ _
Bluesmaster Bob, give me a great big finish.
Go on then, go on.
_ [G] Yeah! _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Oh! _ _ _ _ _ _
Lady and Joe!
[C] _ [G] Hello. _
[Dm] Thank you.
[G] Welcome back, [C] ladies and gentlemen.
In [G] our continuing [F] search to bring you the best in musical sound,
we [C] have a treat for you tonight.
[G] Let me tell you a [C] little story.
[G] In the south of England, this is called a fletcherum.
But in the north of England, [G] it's called a [C] flonker.
[G] Ladies and gentlemen, [C] Ivor [G] Biggans!
_ [C] Hey!
[G] _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ John [C] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] he lived [C] northeast of Whitstable.
[Gm] He's got that [C] certain something [G] that the girls find [C] irresistible.
[G] He's a fine [C] upstanding fella, [G] and they say, [C] for what it's worth,
[G] his mother was [C] frightened by a donkey [G] six months [C] before his birth.
And when the midwife heaved him out, the first thing she could seize [G] on,
it wasn't his [C] arm, it wasn't his leg, and [Gm] I guess that that's the reason
[G] _ _
[C] _ _ [G] why [C] he's _ [G] the [C] _ _ [Gm] man with [C] the biggest plonker [G] in the world!
_ He keeps it in his trousers, tight, the girl.
_ It's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
[C] _ _ [Gm] John [C] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] at school the [C] kids all gathered [Gm] round and said,
please [C] tell us what is [Gm] that behind you [Cm] trailing on the [G] ground?
He said it was a python, and it had [C] got the mumps.
[G] Then he stuffed it in his ear and said, I am a petrol pump.
He stuffed it [Cm] down his wellies, [Gm] and the teacher [C] said,
now John, [G] you'll have to [C] stay behind when [Gm] all the other [C] kids have gone.
[G] And that's what's known [C] as further education.
[Gm] But you [C] don't get a certificate for [G] it, because [C] he was [Gm] the one and [C] only,
_ [Gm] intubatable, he was the man with [C] the biggest plonker [G] in the world!
_ He keeps it in his trousers, tight, the girl.
_ It's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
_ _ [Gm] John [Cm] Thomas Alcock, [Gm] he grew up [C] virile, tall and [D] strong,
and he [C] became a chimney [Gm] sweep with a brush attached to his remarkable [G] dung.
And then he [C] went to China, [G] where dragons [Cm] can be found,
[Gm] and everybody [C] said, earl Luke, there's a [G] bloke with one dragon on the ground.
One dragon [C] on the ground, a bloke with one [G] dragon on the ground.
_ [C] _ [G] That's my kind of people!
[C] _ [G] And then he got married and he had five kids, and it comes as no [C] surprise,
he's got a lovely wife with a rather [G] strange expression in her eyes.
She just stands [Gm] there and goes, bah!
[C] She's also got [G] a locked jaw, but I won't talk [Cm] about that,
because she [Gm] happens to know [C] that he _ is [G] the _ _ _ [G] biggest [C] plonker in the world!
_ He keeps it in his trousers, sightly curl,
_ it's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
[G] He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world! _ _ _ _
[C] Let's do the sad bit now, there was such a [C] sad bit there, wasn't there?
[G] _ _ _
_ John [C] Thomas Alcock, [G] he died.
Oh yes, [Gm] he did.
And because of rigor mortis, [G] they couldn't shut the [C] coffin lid.
And now he's up in heaven, and [G] his kids are very [Gm] proud
to see their daddy's dongler come dangling through the clouds.
[G] And when it's dark [C] and midnight, you can [G] hear the ladies sigh
and whistle when the ghost of old John Tom goes slithering [Gm] by,
dragging [C] his enormous equipment [G] behind him,
_ [C] like a [Gm] big pink train [C] with a [G] little purple carriage at the [C] end. _
[Gm] _ [C] Because they know [G] that [C] he _
[G] was [C] the _ [G] man with the biggest plonker in the world!
_ He keeps it in his trousers, sightly curl,
_ it's a yard and a half if it's an inch, and it's more when it's unfurled.
He's the man with the biggest plonker, what an enormous stonker!
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world!
_ [C] Give it to me [G] one time, give it to me two times,
give it to me three times, _ _
Bluesmaster Bob, give me a great big finish.
Go on then, go on.
_ [G] Yeah! _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Oh! _ _ _ _ _ _