Chords for James Gregory Stand Up Routine & Interview (Live on CabaRay Nashville)

Well, here's a guy who played a lawyer in my latest movie Get Serious
Name of the movie is Get Serious and he talked the judge into throwing the book at me
He's one of the funniest guys I know ladies and gentlemen James Gregory
Hey, how y'all doing? _ _ _
Now remember that Ray said that I played a lawyer.
I wasn't a lawyer.
So I don't want you get mad at me
_ You know lawyers can get you in trouble
Don't allow yours I get associated with this when I go and
My cousin gets arrested.
I go you know, I'm talking about we all got kid folks. _
I
Got crazy kid folks.
Y'all have greats of kids folks. _
I mean we love them
But you know, I got one now had lunch with him three days ago.
He's bragging always bragging about something
He's bragging about a brand new six-quart crock pot
_ _ And he don't have it yet because he's got it on layaway
_ He tells me all that he acts like the greatest thing in the world he asked me he said do you have a crock pot?
I said no, I don't have a crock pot.
You ought to get one.
I said, I don't need one
He said here what you can do with a crock pot
You can put a raw chicken and a crock pot early in the morning turn it on low
And when you come up and work that evening, it'll be ready to eat ain't that something? _
And I said that's good, but you don't work _ _
As you're home all day, you know
The reason he's home all the time is cause he's never had a full-time job
Because I don't think he knows how to fill out a job application
Where it says nearest relative he'll put 12 [Eb] miles _ _
In case of emergency call he writing like 9-1-1
Just crazy crazy people
It's good to be here.
By the way, I got here by the hour ago.
Yeah, I saw some of y'all outside
They had food here today, but outside the studio.
It was wonderful.
Wonderful food.
You can tell I love food
[N] I've tried every diet that don't work a diet that I hated the most a few years ago
They had this that called the Stillman water diet the Stillman water diet you had to drink
18 glasses of water every 24 hours.
I lost two pounds in one day my bladder fell out _ _ _
_ But I love good food
Have you noticed that young people today don't know how to eat real good young folks the politically correct of what they eat
I'm working travel with other comedians.
Some of these guys bless their heart.
These are weird guys
I mean, they're 25 30 years old.
We always stay the same hotel.
They'll call my hotel room.
They'll go
We going out running you want to go?
_ _ And I'm like do what?
We gonna run you going I'm like no _
But if you happen to cross a Krispy Kreme
You can bring me something back, you know
_ And I have to go out to eat with him
Especially I love go to the truck stops and this is a true story that happened in Nashville just about a year ago
They had me working with a 25 year old comedian.
We went to a truck stop not a four-star
Mediterranean restaurants
_ We only sat down two comedians surrounded by truckers
Waitress comes over big big woman.
Not a lot of teeth
_ _ _ All this young guy warned you with a salad
_ Nothing wrong with that
But he asked this truck stop waitress that she know whether or not any of those salad ingredients had ever been exposed to any type of pesticides
_ _ _ _ She said well we spray for roaches every now and then I
_ Don't think none got on the ladies _ a few minutes later.
She put the food in front of him
He looked at it I didn't know it come with cheese on it I can't eat that I'm lactose intolerant _
She's a honey.
That's not lactose cheese.
That's cheddar cheese _ _
_ You see I wouldn't make fun of these guys if they will leave the rest of us alone
But the ones I just described you to have the audacity to make fun of my food
They will point at my food.
They'll go do you know what that greasy food is gonna do to you?
I'm like, yeah, feel me.
Yeah
I have to eat that way.
I need to maintain my strength because I'm usually one of the pallbearers
_ With my healthy friends drop dead working out
_ _ I'll love what they don't love.
I love chicken fried steak extra gravy
Mashed potatoes extra gravy.
I was a grown man before I realized the gravy was not a beverage
_ _ _ corn bread and a lot of butter
When I say butter I eat real butter you young folks get yourselves a real butter stay away from that phony stuff
You see it all the time
Heart healthy and smart balance and the popular one.
I can't believe it's not butter butter
Well hell I can
_ They'll say I can't believe it's not butter butter spray
_ like it's a butter mist I
Trust me on this if your daughter marries a guy who sprays his butter
They could be no grandkids.
I enjoy talking to you.
Thank you very much _ _
_ _ [Am] _ _ _ [Dm] _ [Am] _ [F] _
_ _ _ _ _ [N] _ _
Well
_ James
You know good to see you.
Good to see you.
It's been a long time.
You hadn't lost a thing man
Well, I tell you what I tell you, you know, I'm a lot like my campus
I had a aunt my favorite aunt God rest her soul, you know big woman
Oh my all my aunts were big, you know _
Here's the way I I just repeat what she used to say
As soon as I get home, I'm gonna take a water pill. _ _
I
Think most of this is just fluid _ _
You look like you've lost weight now are you exercising more?
Oh, no, I exercise a kid _ _ _
All I do I just buy bigger shirts it fools everybody _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ Doctors, you know those doctors are killing it, you know, you know, I knew a doctor once if you couldn't afford the operation
He could touch up the x-ray _
_ _ _ See every time you go to the doctor no matter what your problem is they tell you to lose weight and they tell you to exercise _
Well, I don't want to hear it.
So I just don't know you're always traveling.
Yes.
Are you still driving everywhere?
I drive everywhere I go.
I'm afraid to fly.
I've always been afraid to fly
I don't mind flying once a year just to catch up on my drinking in my praying _ _ _ _ _
You can't you can't smoke on airplane either no, that's true you still smoke.
Yeah, I smoke my cigars
Oh cigars are not supposed to be as bad as cigarettes.
I understand.
Well, I think that's one reason that I don't join a health club
You can't smoke in a health club, you know, so but now I don't like to fly.
It's too dangerous out there, you know
Well, hey, well, you know, it's always been scary out there.
Remember five or six years ago
When that US Airways jet crashed into the Hudson River up in New York, yeah, you remember what brought that plane down
Birds remember sure.
Yeah, we're talking about the airplane an airplane not the kite not a balloon
This was an airplane knocked out of the sky by some birds
Not a deer
_ _ And this is an actual quote from Captain Sully he was a hero Captain Sully
Here's a quote the moment I saw the birds coming I knew there could be trouble
_ _ Specials duckbill platypuses the last time a bird hit my car.
Who do you think went down?
_ case closed
the bird
You always look good.
Well, thank you
And I hate you because you you I know you eat good and you never gain weight
Well, the thing I eat anything I want and for some reason I don't gain weight.
Yeah, I hate people like you
I'm just very