Chords for Jade of All Trades - Beyoncé hosts Friendsgiving

_ _ [Dm] Ladies, I'm so excited [G] about this year's Friendsgiving.
[Gm] Okay, we have to make sure we make our [A] best dishes this year.
Cardi, what you gonna bring?
Well, this [Bbm] year I wanted to bring something [Em] extra [Gm] special,
extra juicy, [G] so I made a big [D] bowl of what?
Cardi, ugh.
Beyoncé, _
_ [Gm] you know me better than [A] that.
_ [Gm] I'm bringing a big bowl [Dm] of wicked [E]-ass pasta,
and the flavor [C] really kicks in when [D] it hits the little dangly thing
right in the back of your throat.
Cardi, that's called the uvula.
That's what I said, uvula, that little dangly [Gm] thing
right in the back of your throat.
Well, Kim, since we out here correcting people,
[Am] are you gonna make the necessary [Bb] changes to your cranberry sauce this year?
[Gm] Oh.
I gave you simple instructions last year to just get a can [Dm] of cranberry sauce,
take it out the can, slice it up,
but somehow you still managed to ruin it by sticking Flintstone vitamins inside every slice.
Look, it's really delish, [G] bible, [D] okay?
It's super crunchy, super [Eb] flavorful.
_ Please don't do it.
Erika, what you gonna bring, sis?
[Gm] Bring a [Fm] placenta [Dm] from a humpback _ [Db] whale,
_ [Cm] saute it [F] in some garlic cloves,
[Eb] with a dash of love from a mini [Ab]-nature panda.
_ Ooh!
_ _ _ _ [C] _
Yum.
_ _ Rihanna, please tell me you gonna bring something edible.
_ [G] Edible.
[Bb] Funny you should say that.
[C] So, I'm gonna make a special pie with [Bb] special herbs in it,
[Cm] but you guys have to make sure you only [G] eat like half a slice
and see how you feel [Cm] after like 30 minutes.
[G] _
Okay, [Gb] I think we should look online and see if we can find some recipes.
_ _ _ [B] Well, hello there, bitches.
If you tuning in, I'm sure you looking for some delicious Thanksgiving recipes to fill your belly.
So, we gonna make this famous vodka pepper soup that [Am] I'm so famous for.
All right, if you don't have any vodka on hand, feel free to use some water. _ _
Ooh, sound like my husband in this morning piss.
To be fair.
Ma'am, do you have some ID for the wine?
ID? _
_ _ _ _ That's so sweet.
You slay [D] me.
People always think I'm much younger than I am.
How old would you say I was if you had to guess?
Ma'am, I don't wanna guess your age.
Can you please just show me some [G] ID?
No, come on.
It'll [C] be fun.
Just guess my age.
Just one-
Ma'am, I really don't [A] wanna play this game.
[G] Come on!
It'll be fun.
Black throat crack, you know what I'm saying?
Just guess my age.
Come on, [C] guess!
_ _ Sixteen.
_ _ [A] _
[D] Sixteen years old.
[G] _ That's funny.
Come on, I know that wasn't a real guess.
Come [Am] on, guess my age!
Come on, 57! _ _
_ _ That's right.
[Bm] You are the first person in the history of ever to get that right.
You should work at the circus or a carnival if you [F] make a killing.
Uh-huh.
_ [G] Girl, I don't know if I'm coming home for Thanksgiving this year.
[C] _ It's been five years [Am] and my grandma acts like she [Dm] still don't know what vegan means.
[E] Nana, did you make anything vegan for me this year?
_ Yes, baby.
I made you [G] some creamy mac and cheese for your vegan hair.
Ain't [A] no meat in that.
_ [Dm] Nana, [Eb] I'm not a vegetarian.
I'm a vegan.
Well, what's the difference?
Damn.
[Bb] There's cheese in it, Nana.
Like, I don't eat anything that comes from an animal.
Well, that's a weird thing to do now, baby.
Even the Bible says the meat shall inherit the [A] earth.
_ [D] That's literally not what it says.
Okay, well, I made you some collard greens.
Can you eat that or no?
I can.
But, Grandma, can you make it greens without [G] all the ham, [Dm] hock, and stuff in there?
No.
Why [N] not?
It literally tastes the same without it.
You can't even have the marinade or the pork ass gate, okay?
Now, that's just the way it's supposed to be.
Okay, we're not gerbils.
My mother's mother's mother, we all ate meat.
We turned out just fine.
I'm alive and [E] well.
_ _ [D] _ _ Okay, Nana.
Well, I can make you some of the lemon [Em] pepper vodka soup that I found on Tabitha Black's page.
All right, now, for the pepper, we gonna use some of this Dalasol brand,
because I know [N] some of y'all niggas balling on the budget, okay?
And we gonna pour it in the sift, because sometimes when you buy the cheap stuff,
rat poop gets in there, so we gonna sift it on out, like so, like that.
_ Grind it up like some bones from a body.
Or maybe that's just me. _
_ _ _ _ _ _ Yummy.
_ _ _ That's German for yum. _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _