Chords for Frozen Lullaby by Garfunkel and Oates

_ _ _ _ Mommy, where do babies come from?
It's pretty simple actually. _
_ _ _ When a man doesn't love [F#m] a woman very, very much, he signs away his paternal rights and
jizzes in [D] a cup.
And with lots of money and scientific genius, hormones, pain, and of course, um, _ Jesus.
_ _ The process begins the way God intended, [Bm] with a transvaginal ultrasound, with [G] a wand longer
than a [B] ukulele, and when it comes out of my body it makes this sound.
_ _ _ I give myself daily intradermal [Bm] injections and acute blepharine and estrogen concurrence,
[G] _
cryopreservation through hormonal activation, [A] and none of it's covered by insurance.
[Bm] Then I'm knocked out and you're removed and [D] combined with a [E] stranger's cough.
[G] And as the saying goes, you win some, [D] you dispose of the defective ones in [G] a hazardous
waste bin, or that.
And then you're frozen until I'm certain it's time to unthaw you into a person.
Then you'll expire or you'll make the grade, and [C#] that, my darling, that's [D] how babies are [Bm] made.
It's so easy [G] _ _ [A] and natural.
[Bm] _
_ [G] _ _ _ [A] _ _ [D] Hush little [Bm] egg baby, don't say a [G] word, mama's gonna [A] freeze you till she [D]
gets [Bm] rich.
_ [G] _ _ _ [A] _
[D] And [Bm] when that day finally [G] arrived, you'll be constructed [E] in a petri dish with sperm
donor 8W6-3, [C#] the silent partner of our family.
[D] So hush little [Bm] egg baby, don't be sad, [G] just because [A] I never fucked your dad.
_ [G] _ _
_ [A] _ I know there [D#m] are orphans [Bm] everywhere, but I'm going to pretend that isn't [Gm] real.
Don't look at me like that just cause I admit it.
You had kids and you knew the [Bm] deal.
Yeah, I feel guilty about overpopulation and ruining the environment for [G] forever, but Osama
Bin Laden had [A] 20 kids, so fuck you [Bm] or whatever. _
Sadly, procreation is not a meritocracy and we need to prevent [E] a real-life videocracy.
_ [G] Though it may be [A] the ultimate form of narcissism, it's also a way to re [Bm]-reverse reverse Darwinism.
Gonna mute the sound of that ticking clock.
I just need the sperm, now I don't need the cock.
[G] My overies are like, hey girl, I'm over here.
[E] And I'm all like, shh.
[Bm] _ I want all the stuff, I don't need to make a bucket list.
It doesn't make me greedy, it just makes me a [G] feminist.
Now I'm thinking back through all the guys I've [A] dated.
If they heard this song, they'd fucking [D] hate it.
[Bm] It's so easy _ _ [F#m] and natural.
[Bm] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ [D]
Hush little [Bm] egg baby, don't you cry.
You'll have [D] the best jeans mommy can [G] buy.
_ _ _ _ [A] _
[D] I don't want [Bm] to wait till I get in dire straits.
[G] My friends say if I want [E] kids I should go out on some dates.
But these working bitches don't offend, they'll leave it to the face.
[A] The world deserves more rippies.
And the world [B] deserves more [G] kates.
So hush little egg baby, dad's overrated.
He did what mattered when he [D] _
[Bm] masturbated.
_ [G] _ _ _ [A] _ _
[D] Hush little [F#m] egg baby, just hold firm.
Momma's gonna [D] buy you designer sperm.
And if that sperm gives you random traits,
Momma's gonna test your DNA.
And if your DNA doesn't make things clear,
Momma's gonna just have to live in fear.
And if that fear turns [D] into guilt,
Momma's gonna [Bm] hold on to what we built.
And if I hold too tight, [B] as I suffocate,
I'll buy [D] you lots of things to overcompensate.
And if that overcompensation's too transparent,
I'll [Am] pretend it's about better with [D] no male pairing.
And if you say, but mom, who's my dad?
I'll say, I don't know, and it's just too bad.
And if that badness wards a hole in your heart,
I'll wanna make it up to you but won't know where to start.
I'll probably start by [A] saying it's just you and me,
And there's no such thing [D] as a normal family.
So fuck being normal, [A] let's do this shit.
Momma's gonna freeze till she _ [F#] gets rich.
_ _ _ [N] _