Chords for Da Turdy Pointers Christmas

Hey, this case of empties kinda sounds like sleigh bells, you know.
[E] I got another big deer story, yes sirree.
It's the 30 pointer Christmas.
Tale number three!
Ho ho ho ho ho!
T'was late season close to Christmas and I was running short on deer.
He had to find a way to pull his sleigh this year.
So he looked under reindeer rentals and professional guide,
and there on the bottom of the page, this little slogan caught his eye.
Uh, Clyde, professional guide.
We'll let just about anything slide.
Ho ho ho, that's for me!
So he calls him on the sleigh phone.
Uh, hello Clyde, professional guide.
I'm with Santa Claus, how do ya do?
I got a deer huntin' trackin' job for you.
Ho ho, I'm so excited.
It's my favorite time of year, and to pull that sleigh, I need a trophy deer.
So, uh, whatcha gonna charge to get me out of this mess?
Uh, take most any cart Santa, but uh, ain't takin' your reindeer express.
Hmm, uh uh, [B] no.
Uh, company [E] check?
So they both went off to get her for the legendary buckin' loaded Santa's magic sleigh
on Clyde's old pickup truck.
They drove all day down loggin' trails and really chined all night.
Clyde told tales about the 30 pointer, and all at once, his throat got real tight.
Uh, stop the truck!
Yeah, he's been here all right.
Look at that.
30 acres of clover, half a field of wet grass, chewed right down to the dirt.
Then the smell of a big deer.
Ooh, with bad gas.
[B] Kinda like that [E] mule deer, right?
He's probably chasin' Miss November off a humpback.
Uh, Santa, you take a walk down there by Whack-a-Buck Bridge.
Uh, you're supposed to be the guide.
Ain't you got a better plan?
Uh, I'm goin' down to the hot spot barn, Santa.
Heh, you can go find your stand.
Hmm, I don't like this already.
Then the dawn came around, just about 6.30.
Santa was awakened by his little birdie.
All at once, there was a crash and a splatter.
So he jumped from his tree to see what was the matter.
Then he sunk to his waist in the marsh and the muck.
That's when he seen it there.
The 30 point buck!
The 30 point buck?
Holy Christmas!
Where did you come from?
The chilly water filled his pants.
Santa's buck fever made him sick and the 30 pointer knew at a glance.
This overweight chihuahua under-ran soon.
[F] He had to be Satanic.
He shot him right between the eyes.
With magic reindeer dust, the buck rubbed Santa's belly till I thought that he was busted.
You and this magic deer dust makes your white tail act quite weird.
As he twisted up his horns, Santa's long white beard pinned the 30 pointer.
Pinned him down in the middle of a scrape.
But with the magic dusty fallacy, so Santa could escape, he blew his reindeer whistle yelling.
Hey over here!
The weakling and I outed the sky from seven tiny deer.
Rudy's nose was sore and our asses were sick with aching joints.
But we came anyway to pull the sleigh with the deer.
With 30 points. _
So we dragged him from the woods and hitched him to the sled.
And fed him a magic sugar lump to wake him from the dead.
I think I'll call you Rufus with your tail so bright.
You wish to catch some of that Mexican food last night.
Then Santa gave the command.
Gee ha mush!
And it happened.
Just a quiet hush, the 30 pointer just [A] sat there with his great big smirk.
And every time Rudy [F] sneezed, the harness gave a little jerk.
Oh boy.
So Santa hoofed it down the road to find a hot spot bar.
And there he found this guy kooking it up in somebody else's car.
His client was peeking through them bloodshot eyes.
Santa cried.
[D#m] How am I going to get that big butted stupid bambi [F] to fly?
Oh come here Santa.
First of all, you got to change that stupid hunting suit from red to orange.
And build yourself a little toy gun.
And show him this year's back tag hate.
And watch that white tail run.
Oh geez, look at this little quality deer management gear.
Looks like Clyde left some cookies for Santa too, eh?
You chihuahua.
Well Santa took Clyde's advice and did just what he said.
And let a plastic bullet fly over 30 pointer's head.
And after Big Buck itched the harness, Winch and his eyes grew wild with alarm.
And much to Santa's surprise, it worked just like a charm.
On Rufus, on Reggie, on Orning and Star, on Beavis, on Butkus, on Tana, and [F#] Far away!
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho.
And they flew off to the briar.
Picked off trees they began to soar.
And dropped a big box of compost on Clyde's back door.
Christmas compost.
I'm gonna get that 30 pointer if it's the last thing I do.
Did you see the 30 pointer?
Did you see the 30 pointer?
Did you see the 30 pointer?
As he sang a holiday song.
Fa la la la la.
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, you shum de birch.
And there he was.
Gone.
_ _ _ _ _ [N] _