Chords for Billy Connolly - "No Chance (No Charge)"

Tempo:
115.3 bpm
Chords used:

C#

F#

B

G#

G#m

Tuning:Standard Tuning (EADGBE)Capo:+0fret
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Billy Connolly - "No Chance (No Charge)" chords
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[F]
Now, a friend of mine went up to his wife the other day while she was choking chickens,
[C#] and he handed her a piece of paper he'd been writing on, and after wiping the blood from
her hands on his shirt, she read it.
And this [F#] is what it said.
[B] For moaning a lot, seventeen and a half P.
For getting [C#] out of bed this week, [G#] twenty-one
[C#] P.
For going to the docks, ten P.
And for playing with your sister when you weren't
looking, twenty-five [B] P.
For talking a load of trash, sixteen P.
And [C#] for getting a good
report from the probation office, twenty-six P.
For raking through the garbage for dog
ends, fifty-nine P.
[F#] Total load, one pound seventy-four and a half P.
Well, his wife looked at the paper, and he [C#] could see the anger and frustration flashing
across her eyes, and turning it over, she [F#] wrote,
[G#m] [B] For the nine years I've carried you home, steaming drunk, [F#] no [C#] chance.
For cleaning your suit when you were as a newt, no [F#] chance.
[B] For the wines and the beers that you've [F#] scoffed through the years, no [C#] chance.
And he added all up, how I feel about you, no [F#] chance.
[B] For the scars on my head, and for the state of your bed, no [C#] chance.
For the tears and the knocks, for the smell of your socks, [F#] no chance.
[B] For your habits I loathe, like [F#] picking your nose, [C#] no chance.
And when he added all up, [C#] your future with me, no chance.
[F#]
Well, when he'd finished [F#] reading, he'd big old tears in his eyes, because she had just
stabbed him in [C#] the back.
And he looked at [G#] her, standing there, and [C#] said,
For God's [G#] sake, the least you can do is phone [C#] an ambulance.
Then, dipping his finger in
the blood, [F#] he scrawled on the wall in great big letters, [C#] HELL.
[G#] And God knows, when you add it all up, nothing, [F#] plus tax, is still nothing, [C#]
[B]
[G#m] [F#] no chance.
Key:  
C#
12341114
F#
134211112
B
12341112
G#
134211114
G#m
123111114
C#
12341114
F#
134211112
B
12341112
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_ _ _ _ [F] _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
_ Now, a friend of mine went up to his wife the other day while she was choking chickens, _
[C#] and he handed her a piece of paper he'd been writing on, _ and after wiping the blood from
her hands on his shirt, she read it.
And this [F#] is what it said. _ _ _ _
[B] _ For moaning a lot, seventeen and a half P.
_ For getting [C#] out of bed this week, [G#] twenty-one
[C#] P.
_ _ For going to the docks, ten P.
_ And for playing with your sister when you weren't
looking, twenty-five [B] P.
_ For talking a load of trash, sixteen P.
_ And [C#] for getting a good
report from the probation office, twenty-six P.
_ For raking through the garbage for dog
ends, fifty-nine P.
[F#] Total load, one pound seventy-four and a half P.
_ Well, his wife looked at the paper, and he [C#] could see the anger and frustration flashing
across her eyes, and turning it over, she [F#] wrote, _ _
_ [G#m] _ _ [B] For the nine years I've carried you home, steaming drunk, [F#] no [C#] chance. _ _
_ _ For cleaning your suit when you were as a newt, _ no [F#] chance. _ _
_ _ _ [B] For the wines and the beers that you've [F#] scoffed through the years, no [C#] chance. _ _
_ _ And he added all up, _ how I feel about you, _ _ _ no [F#] chance. _ _
_ _ _ [B] For the scars on my head, and for the state of your bed, _ no [C#] chance. _ _
_ _ _ _ For the tears and the knocks, _ for the smell of your socks, [F#] no chance. _
_ _ _ [B] _ For your habits I loathe, like [F#] picking your nose, _ [C#] no chance. _
_ _ And when he added all up, [C#] _ your future with me, _ no chance.
[F#] _ _ _
_ _ _ Well, when he'd finished [F#] reading, he'd big old tears in his eyes, because she had just
stabbed him in [C#] the back.
And he looked at [G#] her, standing there, and [C#] said,
For God's [G#] sake, the least you can do is phone [C#] an ambulance. _
Then, dipping his finger in
the blood, [F#] he scrawled on the wall in great big letters, [C#] HELL. _ _
[G#] And God knows, when you add it all up, nothing, [F#] plus tax, is still nothing, _ [C#] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ [B] _ _ _
_ _ _ [G#m] _ [F#] no chance. _ _ _ _

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